Hey guys! It’s time again for our weekly post, Fuck Yeah Friday! Take a second to check out the Fuck Yeah sites listed over in the blogroll, AND special announcement! We are adding a new site to the Fuck Yeah list:

Fuck Yeah Billy Burke!

Thanks to stringsofviolets.tumblr.com for having the brilliant idea of creating this tumblr, and I’m glad they have filled this hole in my life.

On to the rest!

I think that sexy as hell gif is a perfect way to close the post, don’t you?

If you want to send me something to post here next week, send it to me at twilog_whitley@yahoo.com, and it will be posted with your name next week. Keep your eyes peeled for good funnies or gifs!

]]> http://twilog.net/2010/07/fuck-yeah-friday-7-23-10/feed/ 6 http://twilog.net/2010/07/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-episode-5/ http://twilog.net/2010/07/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-episode-5/#comments Wed, 21 Jul 2010 02:29:13 +0000 Whitley http://twilog.net/?p=4312

Just in case you hadn’t noticed by now, all episodes of the show are named after songs. The song and episode title for this week is “Trouble”. (I prefer the Elvis version over the version they had playing in the credits, but that’s just me.)

If you want to check out our other episode recaps from this season, then

Episode 1: Bad Blood is HERE

Episode 2: Beautifully Broken is HERE

Episode 3: It Hurts Me Too is HERE

Episode 4: 9 Crimes is HERE

This episode is my favorite of the season so far. It was SO made of win, in nearly every scene. I laughed, I almost cried, and like always, I have a whole bunch of new questions that need to get answered.

Franklin is making Tara comfy while they wait for the King (read: tying her to a chair) to get back, and Talbot is just a tad bitchy about it. Right as fangs are bared, King Russell, Bill, and Lorena come back, fully satisfied (and messy) from their dinner. On seeing each other, Tara and Bill have very different reaction faces.

While Franklin goes to give the King the dirt he found when snooping in Bill’s house, Tara takes her chance and asks for Bill for help. He refuses and walks away.

Lorena’s face. What a bitch.

In the King’s study, we find out that Franklin has given him the mysterious file that Bill had keeping on Sookie, complete with stalker pictures and a family tree.

King Russell berates Franklin for kidnapping “another girl”, so we find out he has a history of being a complete creeper. When Franklin tries to defend his “relationship” with Tara, it’s kinda sweet (if you forget about the whole kidnapping thing).

“She’s such a fucking disaster! We could be twins. The attraction is e-lectric.”

Up in the hallway to Bill’s room, Lorena is STILL coming on way too strong. Before shutting the door in her face, Bill calls her a “tiresome cow”, which is now my most favorite insult ever.

Sookie and Alcide (who is still sexy as FUCK, in case you were wondering) are safely away from the were bar and the phasing crowd. Alcide is freaking out with anger over what Debbie just did, and Sookie screams at him to slow down.

“I am NOT gonna die because of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!”

Alcide stops the vehicle (it looks like they are in a moving van? Why?) and explains that Debbie wasn’t always so cray cray. When he was reminiscing about their realtionship, it was the first time I actually believed they used to be together. He is just beyond way too good (and sexy) for her.

Sookie then decides that Russell must know where Bill is, and she’s got to talk to him. Alcide refuses, and tells her that Eric would’t approve either.

Speaking of the sexy devil, Eric shows up at the King’s mansion. Talbot is delighted.

“Hell-oh! Have we met?”

Over a candlelit dinner, Eric asks permission to hunt in Mississippi for Bill, who he explains has been selling V back in Louisiana. The King says, “Let’s ask him.” and Bill walks in. Suddenly, Eric is caught in a lie.

The King tells Eric that they already know that Queen Sophie is behind the V, and that Eric was the one responsible for selling it for her. When Eric finds out that Bill is there in Mississippi willingly, Bill has to admit that “Sookie is no longer mine.”

Eric explains that he lied to the Magister to protect his Queen, and that if he doesn’t turn Bill in, then Pam will be killed. The King tells him he will figure it all out, and offers Eric a place to sleep for the day.

Sookie wakes up to hear Debbie and Alcide fighting loudly. She sneaks in to hear Debbie screaming that if Russell knew that Alcide had been in Lou Pine’s and seen the ceremony, he would be killed. When Debbie sees Sookie, all hell breaks lose and a (shirtless!) Alcide has to hold Debbie back. Sookie takes that moment to ask her about Bill, but can tell from her thoughts that Debbie has no clue what’s happening with Russell and Bill.

And just because:

Back at the mansion, Franklin is lovingly tying Tara to a bed, and she’s dressed in a very romantic nightgown. It seems that Tara has finally decided to play along with Franklin’s craziness, and she pretends that she is delighted to be there with him.

Franklin- “Even when I’m away from you, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That’s how close we are now.”

Tara- *trying not to cry* “That’s really sweet…”

When Tara gets a text message from Lafayette (“Bitch, where are you?”), Franklin immediately gets jealous and nearly strangles Tara before she can tell him he’s her cousin, and he’s gay. Franklin tries to figure out a reply:

“How ’bout um, ‘I’m busy bitch’?. No ‘bitch’, he wrote ‘bitch’. Too many ‘bitch’. ‘Hooker’? In his other messages, he calls you ‘hooker’. No, ‘Hookah’.  That’s a water pipe!”

They decide on “Trust me, motherfucker.” as a reply, and Franklin is hilarious when he says, “Hey Tara. Watch how fast I type ‘motherfucker’.”

Jason shows up to the Bon Temp police station, showered and ready for work!

Andy gives him a desk, which he is not too pleased about (“I wanna get out in the field. It’s where I shine!”) and Kenya knows something is up.

Sam helps his family move in to one of the empty houses he rents out, and he senses some major hostility from his younger brother Tommy towards Joe Lee.

Something is defintely up there.

Always the comic relief, Terry Bellefluer pulls up in his truck and gets emotional when he tells Sam he’s moving in with Arelene.

It’s pretty adorable.

Alcide decides he has to tell the “packmaster” (the alpha of the group) about what happened in Lou Pine’s and Sookie tags along.

Back at the station, Kenya is having a fun time messing with Jason.

“File that for me, will ya babe?”

Left to his own devices, Jason plays paperclip limbo and fingerpaints with the fingerprint blotter.

When Andy sees what a mess he’s made, he tells him he has a “special assignment”, just the thing to keep Jason occupied.

Back at the mansion, during the day while all the vamps sleep, Tara has manged to free herself from the ropes and sneaks out of the mansion and out in to the yard where she takes off running.

Suddenly, a wolf howls and begins chasing her. It knocks her over, then it phases back into human (turns out, it’s Cooter), and she’s captured once again.

At Merlotte’s, Tommy and Lafayette are on their break, smoking cigars when Jesus (who you will remember as Lafayette’s mother’s hot as hell nurse at the old folks home) shows up.

Lafayette immediately thinks that something happened to his mother, but Jesus tells him everything is alright there. He’s just there to see Lafayette. He just wanted to come ask him out to a movie. This is the first time all series that we see Lafayette all flustered and nervous! And who wouldn’t be. Jesus is FINE.

When Lafayette explains he has work that day and he doesn’t get off until 11, Jesus says he’ll wait for him.

Alcide has met with the packmaster and explains all about Russell and his involvement with the pack that is addicted to V. He expects some help from his superior, but this guy just says theres’s nothing they can do since Russell is the King and has had were’s working for him for centuries. His plan of action is just to lay low until Russell gets bored. Sookie listens to his thoughts and finds out that the packmaster is really just completely terrified.

Back at the station, it turns out that Jason’s super important special assignment is washing the patrol units. As a extra special treat, he’s shirtless!

While he’s complaining about his task, he notices a girl in a truck driving by. He remembers this girl as the one he saw crying in the woods before he busted the drug dealer, and decides to go after her.

He uses the lights and sirens to pull her over, and realizes, “Now what?” He digs in the glovebox and comes out with these:

In nothing but cop glasses (aviators) and pants, he walks up to her window and asks for her license and registration, and she refuses.

“Are you resisting me?”

He says he’s not a cop quite yet, and she starts her truck to leave, “since your a fake cop!”, but she does tell him her name is Crystal. He asks her to meet him at Merlotte’s later that night, and she yells that she can’t as she drives away.

At Merlotte’s, Jesus is still waiting on Lafayette, Tommy is having a good first night at work, and Arlene is still a prejudiced beotch. She tells Jessica she will never look her in the eye because “I don’t care to be hypnotized, and apparently that is what you walking dead people like to do!”.

Jessica gets her revenge when the next customers come in. Before she seats them, she “glamours” them and says, “Whatever happens, do NOT tip your waitress. Do NOT.”

As she’s seating them, Hoyt walks in, and he’s on a date with another girl!!

I actually gasped out loud. I can’t believe they are doing this to my most favorite couple on the show!

While Jessica is struggling not to get upset, Tommy comes over and tells her that “he’s Little League”, and “You’re the majors”.

I swear to the Lord, if they get Tommy and Jessica together, I’m going to be so P.O’d. She and Hoyt just belong together!

Tommy gets a call from Joe Lee, interrupting his little flirt fest with Jessica. Joe Lee starts screaming for him to come home immediately, and Tommy just hangs up.

Again, something really weird is definitely going on there.

Back at the mansion, Franklin is beside himself about Tara’s escape attempt. He really has no idea why she would try to leave him. “You’re afraid of me?! That’s insane!” He cries. Like, full on sobs.

Tara realties again that this dude is completely unhinged, and in order to survive, she’s going to have to play along. She asks him to forgive her, because she’s not scared of him, but “It’s the other vampires. They’re the ones who scare me.” I love the look on her face when she tells him this.

In his office, the King is finally asking Bill about the file, who is pretending he’s never seen it before. Russell shows him the family tree with certain names circled, and explains that he thinks that Bill is trying to track telepathy in Sookie’s family history, but he doesn’t know exactly why. Bill still doesn’t admit to anything, and Cooter comes in to ask to speak to the King in private.

At Merlotte’s, Jason is waiting in a booth, looking out the window for Crystal when Andy comes in and sits down with him. He tells Jason that he pulled strings and all Jason has to do to become a cop is take a physical and the written exam. This, coupled with the knowledge that Crystal isn’t going to show, Jason is discouraged.

Cut over to pool tables, and Lafayette and Jesus are about to start a game. Lafayette still can’t seem to believe that Jesus actually wants to spend time with him, and might actually like him.

UNF. Go Lafayette! Get it, hooker.

Tommy asks Sam if he can spend the night with him for, “Ya know, brother time.” Sam agrees, as long as Tommy tells his parents. He says he will, but Sam knows he doesn’t want to tell them for some reason. Sam finally asks Tommy just what the hell is going on with all them, but he gets no answer.

In the mansion, Bill has been led up to his room while Cooter and the King talked downstairs. When Cooter comes in to Bill’s room, Bill is instantly ready to fight. Cooter tells him the King is tired of being lied to, and top of that, he knows something else. “This is sexy good news, Bill. You’re gonna love this.” (I have decided to add “sexy good news” to my vocabulary, and I suggest you do the same).

Cooter takes great delight in telling Bill that Sookie “is fucking a werewolf! Right here in Jackson! Suck that dick!” Bill instantly freaks out and attacks him, beating him to pulp and again bringing back the line he says in nearly every episode at some point, “Where is Sookeh?”

The vampire guard outside the door hears the comotion of an ass whooppin’ happening inside and bursts in to find Cooter almost pulverized. He runs in to help him, and Bill grabs the guard and holds his face against the metal doors, turning the vampire’s face into sticky mush. Gross.

Jason is about to get in his car to leave Merlotte’s when he sees Crystal walking around the parking lot. She tells him she tried to go in, but couldn’t make herself do it. She shouldn’t be there, and she just can’t be with Jason and can’ t tell him why. Jason asks her to take a walk with him, then cut to them making out in a romantic secluded spot.

In between kissing, Crystal tells Jason that “There is no forever for us. It’s only now.” Normally, you think Jason would be ok with this, because he usually goes through women like Kleenex. But inexplicably, he’s bummed out.

We finally see Eric again (who should always wear light blue, tight shirts, don’y you think?)

as he comes upon the King rushing out of the mansion on another mysterious errand. Eric offers his help, but the King tells him to just hang out with Talbot instead until he gets back. When Eric reminds the King about Pam, the King becomes a little cross and says, “All in good time, Eric.”

Lorena walks downstairs and sees Eric, saying, “You.” She and Eric have a bit of a stare down (weird?) until Talbot breezes in and takes Eric away. “Boys only.”

Sam and Tommy are at Sam’s house, and “brother time” apparently means Animal Planet and beer. They hear a commotion outside, and then a pounding on the door. Sam goes to open it, and Tommy begs him not to. When Sam does, Joe Lee bursts in, fighting Sam to get to Tommy. He’s screaming that he owns him “head to tail”, and Sam manages to fight him away and get him back out the door.

Joe Lee calms down a bit and explains his behavior away by saying he’s drunk before he slinks away. Panting, Sam turns to Tommy and asks what we are all thinking by this point, “What the fuck was that?”

Tara, still in her old timey nightgown is sitting at the elaborate dining table in the King’s mansion, crying over a plate with a giant flower on it. Franklin comes in and is alarmed by her tears. Tara struggles to keep him calm, and still playing along, explains to him that she’s hungry, but she can’t eat a flower.

At first, I was a bit confused why she would be served a flower, but then on another TB discussion I was reading, someone explained that this is Talbot’s big F U to Tara. He’s serving her something a cow would eat because he wants to convey that he thinks of her (and Franklin too) as no more than an animal. This is why Franklin got so pissed.

He immediately shifts gears, telling Tara, “God, you are sexy.” Rolling with the change in his mood, Tara explains, “I’m into you. Like, really into you. But if we’re going to be together, you have to remember that I’m alive! I have needs, like food!” Talbot begs for her forgiveness and wants to take her some where special for dinner, like Shoney’s! (If you’ve ever been to a Shoney’s, you understand the look on Tara’s face here.)

Then he busts out with, “We’ll celebrate your last night as a human!”

“Will you be my vampire bride?”

Meanwhile, during Eric’s grand tour, Talbot is showing him the antiques he and Russell have collected over the centuries (like Japanese vampire erotica from the 16th century). Talbot tells Eric that Russell collects so many things because he takes what he wants as soon as he sees it, and he’s the same way about people. This is meant to be a warning to Eric personally, but it has new meaning after the next few minutes.

Before Talbot shuts the display case, Eric notices a crown. He picks it up to examine it, and Talbot dismisses it as a “random tribal crown”. Eric looks at it intently, and then the scene dissolves into flashback.

He remembers when the very crown he was holding belonged to his human father, a Viking King. We get to see how even human Eric was an insatiable horndog;

who refused to learn any responsiblity or how to be King. He dismisses his father’s concern with a “Tomorrow.”, then goes to get busy with a servant girl. Hot.

During his romantic interlude, he hears screams from his family. He rushes in to find his mother and little sibling dead, and his father being attacked by a wolf. One tries to attack him, and he stabs it dead. At that point, the wolf phases back into a dead human, and Eric notices the strange brand on his neck.

The wolf who attacked his father follows an order to “Bring me the crown” given by a cloaked figure standing outside in the snow. Eric runs to the door in time to see the figure walk away, talking the surviving wolf with him.

Eric holds his father while he dies, and his last words from his father name him King, and give him an eternal goal of vengeance.

Back is Mississippi, Sookie is asleep when she hears Alcide call her from the front room. She walks into the room to see…

BEEL! (I’m not going to lie, I almost cried!)

After she jumps into his arms, he tells her she needs to leave immediately, and that it’s too late to save him. Before he can explain why she has to go, Cooter and the guard Bill attacked earlier burst in. Before Bill and Alcide can do anything, The King walks and tells Cooter to grab Sookie. When he finally gets a hold of her, this happens:

The King  starts to laugh with joy as Cooter flies across the room, and then…

END SCENE!

I said it up top, but I’ll say it again. This was my favorite episode so far. The scenes with Jason were completely hilarious, I LOVE Lafayette when he has a crush, and Tara’s story line is about to get way more interesting, I think.

What was your favorite part? What do you think will happen next week?

All gifs from chapmangrl.livejournal.com, and all screen caps from Scifi.rawr-caps.net

Hey guys! It’s time for another Friday dose of funnies and gifs! Take a second to check out all the Fuck Yeah sites listed over in the blogroll since that’s where I find the majority of the stuff posted here!

I love Rob in that gif. I lol’d forever watching it over and over.

And last but not least, here’s a photo sent to me from Raffinee from Rob’s old modeling days! Even if you have seen this before, it’s still good for a laugh.

Thanks for submitting Raffinee! If you want to send me something to be posted here, email it to me at twilog_whitley@yahoo.com.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

DAMN it was a long two week stretch there with no True Blood! I didn’t think I was going to make it. Thank the LAWD it finally came back!

Sorry this was not posted on Monday. I just finished one 5 week semester of math, and I just started another one today. Bear with me, guys!

So, the episode opens with Sookie tending the bar fight wounds on a SHIRTLESS ALCIDE. Let me repeat: SHIRTLESS ALCIDE!

UNF! Can I oil his chest for just like, 5 seconds? Please?

After his cray cray head-turning sex with Lorena:

Bill calls to break up with Sookeh, and DAMN, y’all. Edward Cullen’s breakup speech is practically an effing Hallmark Card compared to Bill’s. That was way harsh, Tai.

One thing I noticed during the break up? Sookie is an ugly crier:

And I love this. I’m tired of actresses crying prettily when something tragic happens. No one in real life looks hot crying.

After the horrible abrupt break-up call, Alcide, (who is still SHIRTLESS!), comes over to comfort Sookie.

Cry on his naked chest, Sookie. You deserve it, girl.

When the sexual tension in the room becomes too much, he says, “At least let me put on a shirt.”, and suddenly I’M the one crying my eyes out.

Sam chases his little brother turned burglar out of Merlottes, and happens on his parents sleeping in their van parked in his lot. Turns out that they got kicked out of the crappy place they were living before, and now have no where to go.

At Sookeh’s house, Tara is being glamoured by Franklin, and spills her guts on Bill and Sookeh. She tells him that Sookie is in Jackson looking for Bill, and Franklin makes her call her there to try to find out her exact location. When that fails, and Tara tries to get away, Franklin finally bites her.

In Bill’s room, Lorena is still not getting the hint. At this point, I actually feel a little sorry for her. She reminds of the person who just won’t let go after a break up, except to millionth power. I’m really tired of seeing her character get abused over and over, it’s pretty pathetic.

Cut to a building somewhere. Eric is floating  sexily outside Sookeh’s hotel room window. She lets him in, and this happens:

But then it was just a dream. Fuck. I was more than a little disapointed that this wasn’t real. Seems like Eric was too.

I’m not going to lie. Now that Bill has removed himself from the picture, I really wanted Eric and Sookeh to hook up here. That needs to happen ASAP!

Back in Mississippi, Sookeh decides she is still going to search for Bill, just in case he was being forced to say those things to her and he needs help. Alcide does not agree, but reluctantly decides to help her out, especially since this will involve him seeing his ex, Debbie Pelt.

Cut to Lafayette in his brand new ride. He calls up Tara…

(Download the “ring, ring hooker” mp3 here! I already have it as my text tone!)

…to tell her about his new car, but she doesn’t pick up.

We then see that Franklin has kidnapped Tara from Sookie’s house and she’s now alone in dingy hotel bathroom, duct taped to the toilet.

Alcide’s sister Janice comes over to get Sookie’s disguise ready so she can scope out the were bar, Lou Pine’s again. I am immediately jealous of Janis’s glamorous beauty.

Take it from someone who knows: In parts of Louisiana, looking like an 80’s video girl is the height of fashion.

When Sookeh listens to Janice’s mind, she finds out that Debbie is actually getting initiated into the crazy werewolf gang that her new fiancée Cooter (who will remember as one of the wolves assigned to kidnap Bill) is a part of.

At Merlotte’s, Jason has a hilarious run in with the high school quaterback when his loyd drinking interrupted Bud’s retirement party.

“Yeah, well 10 years from now, there’s gonna be a version  of you, 10 years younger, doing the same thing to you. Then who you gonna be?

“…What?”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Back in Mississippi, Alcide is impressed by Sookeh’s disguise.

They head to the bar.

Meanwhile, Bill and the King discuss strategy against Queen Sophie. Bill tells the king that he will help him, as long as Lorena is disposed of. The King agrees (sort of?), so Bill then spills the beans about Eric selling V for Queen Sophie so she can stay rich. The King decided to pass along that info to the Magistrate, if you remember was sniffing around Fangtasia in the first episode.

Franklin comes back to the hotel room where he left Tara, and hey look at that! He brought her some flowers! How sweet! It was super romantic when he duct taped them to her hands (/sarcasm).

What a creepster.

Sam brings on Jessica on as hostess at Merlotte’s to try to help Arlene with the work load, where she happens to look adorable in the uniform.

Arlene throws a fit. “People love giving redhead’s tips! And I’ve always been the only redhead at Merlotte’s, SA-YUM!”

Jessica runs into an old church buddy who is super excited about bringing her home to her parents. He praises Jesus and everything.

Lafayette tries to sell some V to the meth dealers that Jason helped bring down earlier. They decide not  to do any business dealings with him, and things turn sour pretty quick.

On his way into Merlotte’s, Hoyt sees Jessica glamouring her former friend behind the bar. But from far away, this looks like a pretty cozy conversation, and he’s pissed. I haz a sad, because I NEED them to get back together!

Like I was hoping, Eric swoops in and saves Lafayette from the methheads.

Eric defintely brings the lols here. “I’ll kill all your brother-cousins”, and “Let’s go Ru Paul.” are instant classics.

Tara and Franklin are taking a drive, and he tells her they are headed to Mississippi. And yep, he’s still insane.

On his way home after work, Sam sees a naked Tommy asleep on the ground. He brings him his clothes, and they have a deep convo about their fucked up parents. Tommy expains to Sam that he could never leave them, no matter what, because they need him so they can survive.

In Lafayette’s hot new ride, Eric gets a phone call from Pam telling him that the Magistrate is raiding Fangtasia, and he’s found the V.

After she hangs up, Eric flies out the car window while Lafayette is talking. Don’t you wish you had the power to get away from people that fast?

In the men’s room at Merlotte’s, Jason basically blackmails Andy into making him a cop, now that he’s Sheriff. I’m thinking that this is going to blow up in his face soon. Poor Jason never has success with anything!

After his talk with Tommy, Sam tells his parents he will give them a place to stay as long as they dont drink or steal anymore, and they agree. I think this is gonna end badly too.

Franklin and Tara finally arrive, and it turns out they are at the King’s mansion!

Talbot isn’t happy with Tara, who he thinks is Franklin’s gift to him.

“Is this for me? It’s skinny.”

At Lou Pine’s, Sookie and Alcide make it inside. She does some shots (“FUCK yeah!”):

with the guy who tried to assult her last time when she’s confronted by Debbie, Alcide’s ex-fiancée.

That’s her with the Tiffany bangs. See what I mean about 80’s chic?

Bill, Lorena and The King stop at a strip club. They make reference to Bill’s past as a “procurer” (read: pimp), and begin discussing “dinner”.

Eric makes it to Fangtasia in time to see Pamm being tortured. I can’t stand to see my Pam like this! She’s normally so fierce!

The Magistrate already knows Queen Sophie is involved, and wonders if Eric will tell on her, which is basically treason. During her torture, Pam shouts out that Bill Compton is the vampire behind the selling of the V. The Magistrate gives Eric two days to find Bill, or he will kill Pam.

At Lou Pine’s, Debbie decides to torture Alcide by letting him stay to watch her initiation ceremony into the wolf pack. And what an insane initiation it is.

While Lorena and the King are waiting for Bill to get back, he explains that he has “an errand”, and let’s her know she can start dinner without him.

In the club, Bill runs into a stripper named “Destiny” who looks disturbingly like Miley Cyrus:

…who then gives him a lap dance.

Back in the noisy were bar, the King shows up as the leader of Debbie’s induction ceremony (looking like an extra in The Matrix too)!

The King speaks to them in German, and gives them all some of his blood. It turns out, he’s the supplier of V to this entire gang. (!) So what does he want with Sophie Ann? How is he going to use Bill?

While Bill is getting a lap dance from the Miley lookalike, he “glamours” her into telling him her real name (Ann), and while she’s hypnotized, he finds out she really quite miserable in her life.

Back on stage at Lou Pine’s, Debbie is getting branded with the weird Nazi brand all others in the gang have.

Cooter gets on stage with her, and y’all, I swear to the Lord I thought I was about to see some wolf-on-girl-sex on my TV. I have never in my life been more glad to be wrong, true fax.

All the wolves in the bar start to howl, and then they start to shift. Alcide manages to scream (more like bark) at Sookeh to leave before he phases himself.

Bill leads the stripper out to the limo where the King and Lorena are waiting. Poor Ann just thinks they’re about to have an orgy or something, but Lorena and the King begin to feed on her. They ask Bill to join them, and he DOES.

I suppose he’s done being the good guy. What do you think?

And that’s it for this week! All the gifs came from Chapmangrll.livejournal.com, and all screen caps are from Sci Fi.Rawr.

So what do you think will happen next week? Tara and Bill will run into each other? Did Sookeh make it out in time? What’s up with Arlene’s baby?

I can’t wait for next week!

I am SO BEYOND sorry for missing this not one, but two weeks in a row! The first week, I was out of town, and the second week, I just plain forgot for some reason. I still don’t know how that happened.

Anyway, I’m back this week, so let’s get started!

I love Kstew, and I know she smiles quite a lot, but that made me laugh my ass off.

I don’t agree that Bella is the biggest setback in feminism (Perhaps um, rape culture is worse? Maybe?) but this made me laugh only because of the “sandwich” joke. I have to laugh at those, or I will just cry.

Eclipse gif-athon!

Finally, I have been extremely remiss the past few weeks about submissions. Facebook changed their email alert system again, and my inbox is flooded with unnecessary emails about comments on things I just “Liked”. Annoying. Anyway, I went wading through today and found all the hilarious stuff you guys have sent me lately. Please don’t let this dissuade you from sending something in, I usually am 100% better about getting them posted ASAP!

First up is from Raffinee, who sent me this older photo of Rob back when he was involved with someone who was…not KStew. I could have sworn I posted this, but just in case, here it is again!

Yep that Nikki Reed. And yes, her hand really is there.

Next up is a gif sent to me by Tamala!

Loves!

Finally, Stephani has a hilarious album of Twilight funnies that she made over on Twifans! She emails me occasionally to let me know she has made more, and here are a few of her recent additions!

You can check out the rest of her album in the link above! If your one Twifans, be sure to leave her a comment letting her know how much you liked it!

If you want to send me something to post for next week (and it WILL be posted next week, I promise!) send it to me at twilog_whitley@yahoo.com!

Have a great weekend!

I didn’t get back from Louisiana (sadly, I didn’t run into any vampires this time around) until late last night, and I managed to watch this episode before I collapsed from exhaustion.

You guys. The end of this episode. I read an article saying there was going to be a really crazy sex scene this episode that was would blow everyone’s mind but seriously. The fuck was that, Alan Ball? I know you like to freak us out, but DAMN.

As always, there are gifs here and I have a gif of the ending. The ending has been described in many places as “disturbing”, and I would definitely have to agree. BE WARNED.

Like always, don’t read this post if you’re at work, around small kids, or you don’t like seeing sex in gifs.

The episode opens with Sookeh firing a bullet at the wolf in her house. It was kinda Matrix-y.

Eric jumps in front of the were and takes the bullet. The wolfman phases back into human and goes cray cray for the V spilling out of Eric’s chest. He refuses to tell Bill who sent him, but Sookeh hears in his mind something about “Jackson”. Eric kills him.

“Got your rug all wet. Heh.”

As I figured, when Bill went all “DIAF, bitch” on Lorena, it didn’t kill her or even injure her. It really only inconvenienced her for awhile as she waited to heal. Talbot was pissy because his ancient tapestry was used when Lorena had to stop, drop and roll.

Bill doesn’t really get in trouble, and the King tells him that he needs to learn to get along with her since they will all be “working together”. When Bill tells the King that Lorena is a crazy bitch, the King agrees, telling him that she is still very jealous of Bill’s feelings towards Sookie. So jealous in fact, that she wanted to make Bill watch while she killed her. CRAY CRAY, right ? The King suggests turning Sookie if Bill really loves her in order to protect her and he’ll also get to stay with her forever. (sound familiar?),

Back in Bon Temp, Eric and Sookeh are out in the graveyard digging into a fresh grave. Eric explains that a  newly dug grave is a great place to hide a body since the ground is already disturbed, and no one will ever think to check there. Thanks for the PSA, Eric!

On top of being informative, Eric also happens to look pretty sexy covered in blood and digging. Sookie notices too.

When she tells him she heard the word “Jackson” in the wolf’s thoughts, Eric tells her that’s where he’d lived, in Jackson, Mississippi. Of course, Sookeh thinks it’s appropriate to just go roaring in and stirring things up around dangerous creatures without trusting Eric, who happens to be a dangerous mythical creature himself! It’s not that smart!

In the room of some no-tell motel, Tara and Franklin (the new vampire who helped her kick some redneck booty in last week’s episode) are having some kind of crazy sex that involves no regular movement (like, um…thrusting). There basically just lay there and breathe weird. Plus, Tara’s eye movements made me uncomfortable in this scene for some reason.

Sam busts in the front door of his new parents house to find his little brother (who almost caused his to be squishered on the road in last week’s episode) just casually sitting on the couch like nothing happened, watching TV with their dad (who doesn’t seem to really own clothes, since all he wears are old nasty fart stained undies that used to be tighty-whites, but can now only be described as…yellow). Tommy brushes off the almost-roadkill incident, saying, “I thought since we was family, you could keep up.” After that enlightening convo, Sam tells his parents that he’s heading back to Bon Temp to get back to his life.

Meanwhile, Jason is now convinced that his callin’ in life is to be a police officer, since he did so awesome at the meth bust last episode. (Don’t you love how Jason is always finding new things to dedicate his life to? Never a dull moment with him!)

Finally, Tara and Franklin are done with their weird sexing. When they’re making conversation with each other (ya know, as you should when you have weird tantric sex with a vampire that you just met), the subject of Eggs comes up. Tara dresses quickly and walks home without telling him her name.

The phone rings at Fangtasia. Pam is…occupied with the same dancer that Eric was “occupied” with in the first episode. (You know you remember!)

It’s Jessica calling Pam to tell her that the body that may or may not have been in her basement is actually now totally gone. Pam asks, “Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chain saw?” When Jessica explains she wasn’t the one to move it, Pam tells her that her problem is still basically solved and gets back to her fun time with the Estonian dancer Yvetta.

At Merlotte’s, Sam tells Sookie about how he found his family and she tells him about Eggs getting killed in the parking lot. It’s been awhile, and they had to catch up, ya know. Sookie tells Sam that she’s taking more time off work (how does she still have her job?) to go to Jackson to look for Bill, and could he maybe, sorta look after Jessica for her too? When he accepts all this with no protests, you kinda get the feeling that Sam still has feelings for her.

Hoyt, in between helping Jason “study” for his police officer exam, asks him for advice on Jessica. (Side note: I love how he says her name: “Chess-iCUH”. I know for a fact his Louisiana accent ain’t half bad.) Jason tells him it’s time to move on to someone hotter, and Hoyt, because he’s a big sweetheart, says he  can’t find anyone else better (AWW!!!). Jason decides to screw that practice test (well, not literally, but no one would be surprised) because he knows he’s ready NOW. He’s a “ninja-level marksman”, y’all.

At the OB/GYN, Arlene is getting an ultrasound and babbles to the doctor that she and Terry haven’t been together that long,  but she thinks he’ll be cool with having a baby, right? The doctor tells her that she’s actually 2-3 months pregnant, which means that this is NOT Terry’s baby! I joked about this in my first episode recap, but I’m honestly genuinely surprised that it’s most likely not his.

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT THE TIMELINE: It feels like forever since Season One ended, but it’s actually only been a few weeks in the True Blood universe. I actually saw one blog stating that the entire second season of the show just spanned 2 weeks.

So…could this baby be…creepster serial killer Renee’s?!?! Or…someone she slept with during a Maryann caused orgy?!

You can tell Arlene is wondering the same thing.

The coroner of Bon Temp calls Tara at Merlotte’s to let her know that the funeral for Eggs is happening. When she arrives at the cemetery, she finds out that he has no family or friends there, only her. Sookie pops out and reveals she paid for Eggs’s funeral, and takes her chance to make up with Tara finally.

As they are having the funeral service in the cemetery, it flashes back to 1868, when Bill is coming back to his home after being changed by Lorena. As he lingers around on his front porch, his wife Caroline, thinking he’s an intruder, confronts him. She welcomes him back with open arms, but then tells him that their son Thomas died recently of the pox. As Bill turns his back to his wife so he can cry over their son, his bloody vampire tears leak out. He tried to prevent her from comforting him so she can’t see his face, but he can’t stop her. He unnecessarily freaks her the eff out by not being upfront with her about what he is, and instead says creepy things like, “I’m here to bury our son.” Plus, he looks like this:

When she understandably runs screaming away, Lorena catches her at the front door, making Bill watch his wife cry and cower away from him.

Bill wakes up from his nightmare, still in bed in Mississippi.

Jason is in a weird blurry room taking his police officer test when he looks down and realzies the entire thing is written in hyrogliphics. When he gets up to ask Bud Dearbone for another, he realizes he’s not wearing pants, resulting in him flashing his hot ass to the entire classroom.

When he looks at everyone laughing at him, they all have the same bullet hole in their heads that he was seeing before.

He wakes up from his nap he was taking in his truck at work with Lafayette calling his name. Embarrassed, Jason tries to brush it off saying, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately.” Lafayette then says my favorite line of the episode: “That must feel new.”

Suddenly, Hoyt begins hollering bloody murder from the ditch he was working in. Jason and Lafayette, along with the rest of the work crew rush over, and in the ditch with Hoyt is a headless, handless rotting corpse (what a lovely visual. The popcorn turned to mush in my mouth at this part).

At Sookeh’s house, she’s scrubbing her bloddy rug on the porch when she hears in her thoughts a werewolf come up behind her. She screams and tries to run, but he catches her just in the door and tells her Eric sent him to look after her. His name is Alcide (pronounced “Al-seed” not Al-side”, like people in Louisiana would really say it), and he is nothing less of sextacular. I’m not lying when I say I want him to rub his beard all over my body.

Back at Merlotte’s, Sam’s parents and his brother have shown up unexpectedly. Miraculously, his dad is wearing real clothes! Sam is happy, but wary since they had decided to hold off on seeing each other again. Before they run off with hurt feelings, he gets them to stay by offering to buy them lunch.

Bud and Andy have shown up to the body dump site, processing the scene. Andy has already decided a vampire has committed the crime, since the head is “torn clean off.” Without warning, Bud Dearbone has a meltdown and abruptly quits right then. He’s too old to be dealing with murders.

Alcide and Sookie are having tea in her dining room. Sexy Alcide explains that by looking after her, he’s paying back a favor to Eric, who Alcide’s dad owes money to. It turns out that Alcide’s ex girlfriend is “banging” the leader of the mean wolf pack that Sookie needs information from to find Eric. You get the impression that he may be helping Sookie out of some need for revenge.

In Mississippi, Bill is still having nightmares about his past life. When he flashes back this time, his wife is begging to be killed. Lorena encourages Bill to “glamour” her into forgetting that he ever came back, and then he buries his son. Lorena tells him again that “the only way to show love for a human is to stay away. Forever.” Bill startles awake, crying his bloody tears on the no doubt expensive sheets. Talbot will not be pleased.

Downstairs, the main leader of the werewolf pack (and Alcide’s girlfriend stealer) is in the parlor with the King, Talbot and Lorena. They are discussing the werewolf who was killed by Eric at Sookie’s house, and the King is PISSED.  Lorena figures out that it was probably Eric who got him, since she is aware that he also has a thing for Sookie. As soon as Bill walks in, he announces to the King that he is renouncing his loyalty to Louisiana and Queen Sophie Ann, and he accepts the King as his Majesty. Lorena gets pissed now that there will be no torturing of Sookie, which I suspect is why Bill made the big announcement.

Eric shows up to Lafayette’s house in brand new sexy car. Even though Lafayette still hasn’t moved all the V that Pam told him to, Eric has decided to reward him with the car he’s currently sitting in. When Lafayette tries to turn it down, Eric tempts him with talk of more extravagant riches, if he’ll just keep selling V.

Arlene tries to tell Terry while they’re at work that she’s pregnant, and like the rest of us, poor dumb Terry automatically believes it’s his. He immediately goes out of his mind with joy, leaving Arlene to freak out on the inside even more.

Sam gets into an altercation with his family over, what else, alcohol when he catches them letting his little underage brother drink at Merlotte’s. They leave, and his mother seems to be the only one who gives a crap about him.

Franklin finally shows up to Jessica and Bill’s house to reveal that he was the one who took her little problem out of the basement and disposed of it for her. Of course, now he wants her help in return, mainly he wants all the information she has on Bill Compton.

Sam wakes up to an alarm he has beside his bed to alert of him of break in’s at Merlottte’s. He walks into his office to see a bird taking things out of his filing cabinets and gathering them in a trash bag. It flies away, leaving him with a mess to clean.

Sookeh and Al-seed go to the Lou Pine (nice play on words) bar in Mississippi, and he allows her to try to get some dirt on Bill her way. Unfortunately, this involves her playing the dumb blonde and nearly getting herself assaulted by one of the werewolves who was in the car with Bill when they took him. Alcide rushes in to save her and gets his ass kicked pretty bad before an old friend intervenes. He then finds out at the worst possible moment that his ex girlfriend is actually now engaged to Cooter, the leader of the bad werewolves.

Franklin shows up to Sookie’s house and finds Tara. He now knows her name since Jessica spilled her guts about everything under the sun. When she won’t let him inside the house, he “glamours” her steps right in.

OK GET READY FOR THE WEIRD SHIT:

Bill goes back up to his room, and Lorena follows him in closing the door behind her. She tells him that she knows he only pledged his loyalty to the King to save Sookie. They get into an intense fight over how she has basically ruined his entire life, as a vampire AND has a human.

Then, they start to…hate fuck. In fact, this scene pretty much redefined the “hate fuck” as we all know it.

For serious: The gif below can be pretty disturbing if you didn’t watch the episode, so look with caution.

Once Bill realizes what he’s done (or what she’s making him do; she may still have Maker power over him), he does this (like I was doing inside):

and then the credits roll!

Ok so can we all agree on the ending?

No more, Alan Ball. That was too weird, even for True Blood, and that’s really saying something!

Do we have TB bingo this week?

You may have noticed that we have to wait two weeks for a new episode. This is because they know American people would rather stuff their faces with hot dogs and watch fireworks than watch TV. So I’m sorry to all my fellow Trubies in all other countries! If it was up to me, it would air on a regular schedule!

Random cute gif for the week:

All show gifs came from Chapmangrl.livejournal.com, and I couldn’t do these post without the gifs, so thanks! All screen caps came from Sci Fi Rawr-Caps.

So what did you think of this weeks episode? Did the ending totally scar you for life, or did you love it? Let me know in the comments!

]]> http://twilog.net/2010/06/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-ep-3/feed/ 1 http://twilog.net/2010/06/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-ep2/ http://twilog.net/2010/06/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-ep2/#comments Tue, 22 Jun 2010 03:45:48 +0000 Whitley http://twilog.net/?p=3997 Image Source

It took Sunday night for-freakin-ever to get here, right?! All week long, I was counting down the days!

On last Monday’s recap post of the Season 3 premiere episode, I had a little contest. I’m pleased to announce that there was a TIE. Jason and Eric can share the “hottest butt of Episode One” crown!

This post, and all the gifs posted are maybe NSFW and NSFC (Not Safe For Children). Do not read any further if you’re too young to watch the show. Obviously, there are spoilers for this episode in this post as well.

Recap: Episode 2: Beautifully Broken

The episode opens right where it ended last time. Bill has just attacked the wolf pack that were surrounding him in the woods. There is much spraying of blood, and ripping of appendages.

Some regal looking dude rides up on a white horse, and takes control of the one wolf man that Bill hasn’t torn to pieces yet, hilariously named, “Cooter”. How cute was Bill when he was like, “Cooter? Seriously?” My first favorite part of the show:

Bill calls the man on the horse “Your Majesty”, and this King is the one who arranged for Bill to be kidnapped and brought to him, hiring the wolves as kidnappers. Unfortunately they aren’t very good at following orders. Drinking Bill’s blood and getting high off his V was defintely a no-no.

PLOT NOTE: Bill automatically knows that this guy is the King of Mississippi (he even bows to him), and doesn’t seem surprised to see him at all. He’s only pissed about the fact that he’s been kidnapped and manhandled by the wolves who were working for the King. Undoubtedly,those who have read the books know more, but as someone who is just an avid watcher of the show, I’m intrigued.

Lafayette breaks down his bathroom door and saves Tara, both from her overdose and her cray cray mother. I love when he takes control of situations, and it needs to happen more often!

Fierce bitch.

Sookie takes the image of the symbol she and Jessica found on the dead body to Fangtasia to show to Eric. Jessica interjects,

“Nazi werewolves!”, and Eric is annoyed.

Eric tells Sookie that she needs to chill out with the whole trying to find her almost fiancee thing because gathering this kind of information is not safe for a human. “Your life is too valubale to throw away.”

Yeah but to whom, Eric? Just to Bill, or maybe to you too?

In the Fangtasia ladies room, it’s question time for Jessica with Auntie Pam. She finally works up the courage to ask how to get rid of a body.

Back in the club, Eric explains to Sookie that since humans are not even supposed to know they exist, the werewolves are not going to help her find Bill. She gets weepy, and Eric gets uncomfortable.

“Please don’t do that. It makes me feel disturbingly human.”

When she leaves, he has a Godric flashback. This time, they are soldiers in WWII, hunting werewolves together. It is disturbing how sexy Eric looks, especially when you consider that he’s wearing an SS uniform.

Meanwhile Bill and his captor/host The King arrive at his huge mansion. The King’s lover, Talbot, takes Bill to the guest room to clean up for dinner. As the King and his lover leave Bill locked away, they discuss how Bill is a “challenge”, and the King says, “I think I’m going to have to bring in the girl.”  (OMG WHAT GIRL?!)

Tara tells Lafayette that’s she’s alright and she doesn’t need to go to the hospital. After he rips her a new one for trying to kill herself over Eggs and tells her she needs to get her shit together, he says there’s something she needs to see.

Sookie drops Jessica back off at Bill’s house, only to find Hoyt waiting on the porch bearing gifts. He wants to make up with her and explains that he is perfectly ok with how she is. BUT, exactly like a dumb teenage girl, she kicks him out, and tells him that it’s too late for them.

After he leaves, CRYING (!!) she climbs into her cubby hole in the floor, with the still rotting corpse she was dealing with last time.

Sookie goes home, only to find Jason lurking around her kitchen. Thinking he’s an intruder, she knees him in the balls,

(“My family junk!”) and in one of the best random lines of the episode, asks him, “What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?”

While they are cleaning up the house from Maryann mess still around, Sookie explains about Bill and the werewolves. Jason is hopeful.

“Werewolves are real? Is Bigfoot real too?”

“*gasp* Santa?”

Sookie explains how much she misses Bill, in one of the most amazing lines of the entire SHOW:

“Sookeh!” This is another example of the writers listening directly to what the fans are saying. Everyone has always made fun of Bill’s accent, so it was pretty hilarious for them to acknowledge it.

Jason continued to be the adorable older brother all the way through this scene.

“It’s just you and me now. Then you’re gonna marry Bill, and it will be you, me and Bill!”

Sam is awakened from sleeping in front of the Mickens house with a shotgun barrel on his cheek. Tommy Mickens leads him in the house and gunpoint and alerts his parents. His birth mother recognizes him pretty quickly.

At Merlotte’s, Sookie realizes a werewolf is lurking in the woods, looking for her. Terry Bellefluer chases her into the woods, and they “track” it together. All that’s left of the wolf are some clothes and prints.

Lafayette takes Tara to a clinic, and asks to see Ruby Jean Reynolds, his mother and Tara’s aunt. After you see her hurling racist insult after racist insult at her sexy Mexican nurse, it’s pretty clear she is messed up and has lost her filter.

Back at Merlotte’s, Sookie and Terry bring the abandoned clothes inside, and Terry is unsure they should keep it a secret. He’s worried something could happen to Sookie if the guy comes back, and gives her a gun for protection.

“You know how to use one of these?”  ”I ain’t that blonde.”

Sam’s parents sit him down and explain to him why they gave him up to the Merlotte’s when he was born. When he explained he was abandonded by his adoptive parents when he was 15, his parents share a look. They knew he was a shifter from the time he was born. His little brother Tommy also has the same ability.

As they are leaving the clinic, Lafayette explains to Tara that he works two jobs to keep his mother there so she can be taken care of. He wanted Tara to see that’s what she could end up like if she doesn’t change. She tells him she understands, and as they’re leaving, he says,

“But hooker, if you ever try to pull the shit you pulled last night again, I swear ‘fore God your ass is gonna get a room next to Ruby Jean. And I’m gonna make sure the mothafucka spooning your peas ain’t half as hot as…Jesus. Is you feelin’me? We clear?”

Sam tries to have a bonding talk with his newfound little brother. It’s not going well. When Tommy suggests “a run” they both phase into dogs and take off. Something weird that will probably be important later: Tommy has scars all over his body.

Jessica seems to think that spraying Lysol on a dead body will make the smell go away. She calls a hardware store to rent a chainsaw for the night (like that’s not suspiciuous at all), and takes the money out of the wallet on the body.

At dinner with the King, Bill is served hilarious blood based meals and drinks like “Chilled carbonated blood. Cruelty free, all willingly donated!” The King thanks Bill for joining them and says, “It’s an honor to have you in my kingdom again.” (Again? WHAT?) The King tells Bill he wants to make him Sheriff of Mississippi Area 2. He explains that soon state lines won’t matter because he intends to marry Queen Spohie of Louisiana, and he needs Bill to help him with this.

At Merlotte’s Andy is being toasted as a hero for saving the town, especially by a drunken Jason. “You’re the wind beneath my wings, man!”

Andy tells him again to relax and stop freaking out about how they’re lying about what happened to Eggs, and gives Jason a bit of a pep talk, and they share a hug. Awww!

Sam and his brother are having a grand time running around the wilderness in dog form. When they got to the road and stopped, I knew shit was about to get real. I even yelled, “OMG get out of the road!!” When a truck rounded the bend, Tommy changed from a dog to a bird and flew away just in time, leaving Sam to get hit. Luckily, Sam rolled away unhurt. He was naked, which can’t have felt good on the road, but at least he wasn’t squished.

The door creaks open at Bill’s house. Someone wearing a pair of rather stylish boots enters quietly. They look around, then head for the study. Brekaing the bottom of a random drawer, they uncover a mysterious file containing years of information about Sookie. Spelling bee articles, family trees, and random photos are all inside it. Why does Bill have this, and who broke into his house to see it?

At her own house, Sookie is sitting on the couch in the dark (why do people do this in TV shows and movies?! I can’t even run to get a pair of socks without turning on my bedroom light!) with the gun Terry gave her ready to fire. She hears a creak on the porch, and with gun drawn, goes to investigate. It’s Eric, standing at her door. He tells her that he lied to her that morning at Fangtasia about the werewolves.

Another Godric flashback:

The woman wolf they captured refuses to tell Eric who her master is unless he gives her his blood. Godric warns him not to, but let’s her drink anyway. After she’s finished, she tells him that her master is:

and then attacks Eric. Godric kills her, and reassures him they will find out who the master is in time.

Eric explains to Sookie that they were posing at SS officers during the war to hunt the werewolves. He tells her that the wolves are not Nazis, but they aren’t like regular werewolves either. There is a big, well-organized group of them that are getting vamp blood from somewhere, which makes them extra dangerous. When she asks why he didn’t tell her before, he says the bigger question is why is he telling her at all. Even though he personally doesnt want Bill ever found, he knows they are coming for her, and he “owes” her.

Then he says pretty much the hottest thing ever:

“I’m not leaving. You’re going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate primal sex with you. How bout both?” Sookie, because she is dumb (I mean, I love Bill. But come ON!) doesn’t invite him in right that second.

Back at dinner in Mississippi, The King conveys to Bill that he wants to marry Sophie Ann so they can combine their two kingdoms. He explains that she’s not good at managing her subjects, and cites Bill “being sent” to Bon Temp as an example. Bill corrects him, saying that he wasn’t “sent”, instead he chose to live there, but the King does not believe him at all. He scoffs at Bill, “I know you’re still working for her, and I know she has secrets”. In return for getting him information on the Queen,  The King mentions again that he will make Bill a Sheriff.

Bill says he’s not that close to the queen so he can’t help, and he doesn’t want to be a Sheriff. He gets up from the table to leave. The King mentions how unfortunate it would be if Sookie had to get involved. Fangs are drawn by both Bill and the King over her name being involved.

Lafayette brings Tara to Merlotte’s while he starts his shift. Terry catches Arlene coming out of the bathroom after she’s just had “morning” sickness. He’s prepared with a hilarious and sweet list of why he can be trusted with her kids now that they are dating. Terry has still not caught on to the fact that Arlene is pregnant.

While Tara is moping at the bar, a freaking sexy as hell vampire we have never seen before comes and starts up a conversation with her. When she leaves after serving him a Tru Blood, the camera pans down and we see he is wearing the same boots as the creeper who was snooping in Bill’s house!! WHO IS HE?!

Jessica rolls in with her rented chainsaw, ready to cut up the dead guy when she realizes that he is GONE from the cubby hole where she left him! Where did he go?! Someone must have taken him! He couldn’t have just gotten up and walked away! Or did he?

Andy drives Jason home in his cop car from Merlotte’s (“I aint never been in the front seat before!”), and he ends up having to accompany Andy to a meth lab bust. He ignores Andy’s strict orders to stay in the car when he notices a young woman standing by herself just at the edge of the woods.

She disapears into the trees, just as Jason swoops in and attacks a fleeing suspect. “I got me a drug dealer!”

Tara is drinking outside the Merlotte’s when two racist rednecks come out to the parking lot and start talking shit about Eggs and how he died. This is the second time in as many episodes that she’s has had to deal with bigoted idiots, and she understandably loses her shit, punching one right out. Suddenly, the same vamp who was talking to her inside is there, holding the one who tried to run away down. When the redneck refuses to apologize, Tara just keeps whaling on him, punching him over and over in the face. This mysterious vampire finds it arousing.

Last course at dinner. Bill is begging for Sookie to be left alone. The King and his lover start to mock Bill’s feelings for Sookie, when all of a sudden, LORENA, Bill’s maker (who he hates!) shows up. Then this happens:

Is this real life? Did this really happen? Can he really kill her this way?

Back on Sookie’s porch, Sookie still refuses to let Eric in. Without warning, Eric quickly pins her to the wall and demands to be invited in her house.

“Invite me in.” “You can’t bully your way-” “Invite me in. Now.” ”Mr.Northman, will you please come in?”

Inside, they find this:

Eric bares his fangs, Sookie raises her gun and fires, and then the credits roll!

Like with every episode of True Blood, this one answered a few questions while bringing up new ones. Is the King connected to the werewolves in other ways? Are Jessica and Hoyt ever going to get back together? (they BETTER!) Why is Sam’s brother such a jerk? What’s going to happen with Lafayette and the sexy nurse? What do the werewolves want with Sookie now? WHERE IS THAT GUYS BODY? Who is the sexy new vamp showing an interest in Tara? Who was the weird lady in the woods? Did Lorena really die? Will anything happen with Eric and Sookie?! And, my big question: Why does Bill have a file on Sookie?!

What was your favorite part of this episode? I would have to say that my favorite scene was Sookie and Jason cleaning the house. He was just so charmingly dumb there, it was adorable.

There was no sexytimes unfortch, but since I watched a promo for next week, I know for sure there will be then!

All gifs were from this talented person’s livejournal account, and I’m so freaking thankful that someone took the time to make all these gifs. See way more on their journal.

All screen caps used were from Sci Fi Caps.

To see a list of all the music used so far in all Season 3 episodes, click here.

Discuss this episode and the series in the comments!

]]> http://twilog.net/2010/06/i-wanna-do-bad-things-with-you-true-blood-recap-season-3-ep2/feed/ 2 http://twilog.net/2010/06/fuck-yeah-friday-6-18-10/ http://twilog.net/2010/06/fuck-yeah-friday-6-18-10/#comments Sat, 19 Jun 2010 03:07:47 +0000 Whitley http://twilog.net/?p=3975

It’s time again for our weekly feature, Fuck Yeah Friday! This is where I post funnies, gifs, and other bits of goodness to help you kick start your weekend! If you want to share something with us that you made or found, please email it to me at twilog_whitley@yahoo.com! Please check out all the Fuck Yeah Friday sites, since they are where I find most of this material!

I think both rooms are pretty cool!

I love that gif alot for some reason. Hopefully he has a cool entrance scene in Eclipse too!

That’s it for this week, guys! If you want to see stuff I’ve posted here in the past, check it all out HERE!

Note: There will be SPOILERS galore here, so if you haven’t watched this week’s episode yet, or you haven’t even started on the series yet, and you don’t want to be spoiled, DON’T READ AHEAD! If you don’t know anything about this, you will be totes confused.

This post is rated R, NSFW, Not Safe For Children, all of those good things. There are gifs and caps below with nudity and blood, so proceed accordingly.

(If you haven’t seen the series yet, get yourself to iTunes or Amazon and catch up, stat! Also, if you order HBO, some cable providers will provide all the past episodes from season one and two on demand, so you can hole yourself in your living room/bedroom and have the most awesome TV marathon ever. If you don’t want to do any of that, then there’s always…here. Use at your own computer’s risk.)

Alright, guys. Let’s press pause on the insane amount of Eclipse movie promo that’s happening on your TV and computer right now (keep up with all that stuff here!), and shift your focus on to something else. You know, the OTHER reason you were dying for June to get here.

Cue the music:

That’s right. It’s finally freaking time again. It’s True Blood time.

That’s what I did last night when it finally started. I hurt my back.

IN THE LAST EPISODE: When we left off last season, Bill had just proposed to Sookie at the fancy French restaurant. After he asked, she got flustered (“Oh Beel!”) and excused herself to the bathroom to cry. Bill was hastily kidnapped before she got back. Sam was on a quest to find his real family, the Michens. Jason shot and killed Tara’s boyfriend Eggs in the head, thinking that he was defending Detective Andy Bellefluer from a crazed killer. Andy takes the heat for the shooting. Meanwhile, Jessica had a fight with Hoyt (because she tried to drink his mom. Awkward.), and in her anger, seduced and drained a random trucker. Andy goes home with his mother, and she finally tells him the truth about how his father died. Eric is working with vampire Queen Sophie to sell V. Who else would be involved in this, but everyone’s favorite hookah, Lafayette? Maryann is dead and gone, the townspeople are no longer zombies, and no one except Sookie, Bill, Sam, Jason and Andy Bellefluer have any memory of the grand orgy/wedding she made them all participate in.

IN THIS EPISODE: The episode opens with Tara crying over Egg’s body, still laying in the parking lot of Merlotte’s while Lafayette tries to drag her away so the police can process the scene.

Andy is extremely nervous about the lie he’s about to tell to help Jason, which his well-meaning (but still weird) cousin Terry, who served in Iraq, confuses as anxiety over shooting someone.

We FINALLY see that Bill has been kidnapped by a group of older men who refuse to tell him who they are. They hold him hostage in the backseat of a moving car while cutting him and sucking the V right out, straight from the source.

“That’s gay.” “And playing with your own tit in a car full of men ain’t?”

Sookie knows that something is horribly wrong when she can’t find Bill, but cannot get the police to take her seriously. She heads over to his house to talk to Jessica, who is now trying to figure out what to do with the trucker she drank from who is now slowly dying. She gives the corpse some of her blood, thinking this will turn him into a vampire and save his life.

Andy has a talk with Jason about keeping their stories straight about Eggs to Sherriff Bud Dearborne. Andy explains that they both need to act natural, act like everything is normal, which for Jason means, “Conscience off, dick ON.” This was one of the most hilarious parts of the episode.

After finding no information from Jessica, Sookie goes to Fangtasia to confront Eric about the fact that Bill is missing. In one of the best moments on TV ever, she walks in on Eric…uh, getting to know, a new dancer for the club.

There is gratuitous male nudity of the butt,

and Eric explains that even though he doesn’t know anything about who took Bill, as Sheriff, it’s his job to find him, “even if I want what is his.”

“Fine. Do it.”

While his abductors are high off their asses on V, Bill is able to take control over the car and crashes it. He crawls out, completely weak and covered in his own blood, not knowing where he is. He calls for Jessica as her maker, causing her to feel his distress all the way back in Bon Temps and wake up from her spot under the house, where she’s also keeping the dead body. She immediately gets distracted by her problem instead, and totally ignores Bill.

Sookie goes to Lafayette’s, where she finds out about Eggs for the first time. When she finds out that Eggs was shot while trying to attack Andy Bellefluer in a fit of grief over what he had done while Maryann was controlling him, she tells Tara that she was the one who showed him the memories. Tara doesn’t take it well.

Eric calls someone on the phone to chew some ass about the fact that Bill is missing. He wanted to get his hands on Bill because Bill was the only person who knew that Eric was dealing in V, even though Bill didn’t yet know the Queen was in on it too. While Eric is reaming this unknown guy on the phone, we find out that Eric HAD actually sent someone to get Bill, but Bill had already been taken by the time Eric’s people got there. Pam is freaked out, and tells Eric he needs to explain this to the queen.

Sam is in an Arkansas hotel room when a very shirtless, very sexy Bill knocks on the door. Bill says that he needs help and when Sam asks him in, the sexual tension slowly begins to climb. Bill invites Sam to shower with him, saying, “I hear the water in Arkansas is very… hard.” (Since this is pretty much the most-talked about scene in the whole episode, gifs and caps of this are everywhere. See it screen caped  HERE)

Right before they kiss, Sam wakes up from his dream (very relived) to answer a phone call from the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce, where the person on the other end supplies him with more info about his real family. He finds out that the family’s son, Tommy Michens, works at a mechanic shop nearby.

Meanwhile, at work, Hoyt is pissed about the fact that his mother had lied to him about how his father really died. He and Jason have a very deep (well, deep for Jason) conversation about “truth” and what it means. Because Hoyt has moved out of his mother’s home, he’s been sleeping in his car. He invites himself to stay at Jason’s.

Tara’s pathetic drunk mother Lettie May shows up to Lafayette’s to comfort her. Before he leaves for work at Merlotte’s, Lafayette explains that she needs to really pull it together as a mother this time, because Tara can’t be left alone.

Sookie goes to Sheriff Bud Dearborne again looking for help, but this time to find Bill’s maker, Lorena. Sheriff Dearborne doesn’t want to help since Bill is “not actually a person”. Sookie leaves in frustration again, but not without telling him off first.

Sam pulls up to the mechanic shop and sees a kid working outside with a name tag that says, Tommy. Tommy tells Sam that he’s actually Tommy Harmon, and Tommy Michens quit months ago. A little discouraged, Sam leaves.

Lettie May brings over the Reverend of her church to talk to Tara, having no clue that it’s not working. Tara pretends, but only so she can fool her mother into thinking she’s fine to be by herself.

Bill digs himself out of the hole he buried himself in so could recharge a little after the accident and starts walking again.

Jessica wakes up under the house to hear the phone ringing. Her blood didn’t work on the corpse; he’s still dead, and starting to stink. Hoyt is calling from Merlotte’s to tell her misses her, and after telling him she misses him too, Jessica hangs up on him to try to concentrate on what to do with the body.

The Queen and the Magistrate arrive at Fangtasia to speak with Eric. The Magistrate explains to the Queen and Eric that his parish is the one that with the highest levels of V use. He’s figured out that a vampire is behind it, and he wants to know how many vampires have gone missing. The Queen and Eric lie to him, telling him that they hadn’t noticed a problem at all.

While waiting tables at Merlotte’s, Arlene realizes she is pregnant. I’m assuming that it’s crazy ass Terry’s baby, but this is True Blood, so you never know.

Still at Merlotte’s, Jason meets two college girls who are traveling cross country. While Andy Bellefluer looks on approvingly, Jason takes both the girls’ home and Hoyt goes along grudgingly, still thinking about how much he misses Jessica. When Hoyt explains to Jason that he’s not really up for it, Jason tells him, in one of the more memorable lines of the entire episode, “If you’re gonna be roommates with me, there’s a certain amount of pussy overflow you’re just gonna have to deal with!”

Back at Fangtasia, the Magistrate tells Eric and the Queen that the vampire responsible for selling the V will be punished severely. After he leaves, Eric tells her that he doesn’t think the Magistrate believed them when they said they didn’t know anything about it. In order to cover their tracks and provide the queen with the money she needs from the IRS, she commands Eric to sell all the V by the next day.

He finally confesses that Bill is missing, and she tells him not to worry about him.

Pam goes to Sookie’s house to drop off the money Eric owed her for helping him find Godric. While there, Pam gets a “call” from Eric:

(her maker) which makes Sookie wonder if Bill has tried to call Jessica.

On her way back to Fangtasia, Pam drops by Merlotte’s to tell Lafayette he needs to move all the V. It’s urgent. And Pam will have you know that she’s not a hooker. “That was a long long time ago.”

Sookie goes to see Jessica again, and they figure out that Eric actually had been trying to call her. Jessica recognizes that Bill sent her info about where he was, and Jessica and Sookie take off in her car to find the place Bill sent in his “call”.

Still weak and lost, Bill stumbles up to a nearby house. An old lady answers the door and invites him in for food. As she hobbles into the kitchen to find him some food, and he stalks stealthily behind her, you know what’s coming.

While her mother tells the Reverend goodbye, Tara says she’s going to take a shower. As soon as she’s alone in Lafayette’s bathroom, she opens his medicine cabinet and swallows every pill inside.

Sam drives to the address he found for the Michens and as he’s about to walk up the driveway, Tommy, the same Tommy from the mechanic shop, pulls into the driveway and goes inside. Taking a quick glance at the contents of the mailbox proves that he has found the right place.

At Jason’s house,while trying to have sex with one of the college girls, then both of them (yes, both of them)

he just can’t close the deal. When he tells the girls he just can’t stop picturing them like this:

, they leave.

After Bill drinks from the old woman and regains his strength, he “glamours” her into forgetting the memory of what he did, and gives her a few hundred bucks. As he talks to her, and discovers that he’s not in Louisiana at all, but Mississippi, the sounds of wolves howling outside in the distance become louder.

Lafayette tries to burst into the bathroom to save Tara, but can’t get the door open.

Sookie and Jessica find the scene of the car crash and discover a weird mark on the neck one of the bodies. Using Jessica’s fancy phone somehow (I mean, what? Who has that info just right there? Was she issued that phone when she was turned?), they find out it means, “Operation Werewolf”.

Bill runs through the forest at vampire speed only to be confronted by a pack of wolves. He says, “I must warn you. I’ve fed.”

CREDITS ROLL!

Honestly, this was everything I was hoping for. This episode proves that they really have been listening to the fans. I mean, naked butts, awesome lines, and SLASH?! They definitely knew people would go crazy.

Next week, I hope to see Tara stop being so emo, Arlene stop being so racist (what was up with that? I like her. Don’t make me stop liking her, Alan Ball!), and HOYT AND JESSICA GET BACK TOGETHER!

This weeks poll is: Who has the cuter butt?

Eric?:

or Jason?:

Leave your vote in the comments and I will announce the winner next week! And uh, if you need a little help in making a decision, go here and here to right click and see each photo super sized.

All screencaps used in this post came from SciFi/TV Caps and her herete. All the gifs were found in this ONTD post!

For more True Blood goodness, check out Fuck Yeah True Blood and Trueblood_tv!

Check back next Monday when I re-cap next weeks episode!

It’s that time of the week again! Here’s the post full of Twilight funnies, gifs and hot pictures to kick off your weekend! As I say every week, please check out the Fuck Yeah Sites over in our blogroll, since they are where I find most of this stuff. I hope you enjoy!

Those last two were uploaded to facebook by the hilarious Fanny Le Mikehunt!

That’s all for this week! I hope you laughed at least once! If you have anything you would love to share here, please email me at twilog_whitley@yahoo.com!

If you want to check out the gifs and funnies I’ve posted in this feature in the past, check out my gallery HERE!