This is the trailer for the documentary about Forks, Washington called Twilight In Forks: Saga of the Real Town that Summit told us would release alongside the New Moon DVD.

Yes, you saw that right. There is a woman there who lives her life as Alice Cullen.

From the pre order Amazon page, here are a few other things we can expect from this DVD:

Twilight in Forks is the definitive DVD documenting the town of Forks made famous by the Twilight books and movies.

Since the Twilight movies weren’t filmed in the real Forks, this is your opportunity to see the town that Stephenie Meyer based her epic teen romance books on. Are there truly vampires and werewolves there? Hear from the real people living their lives in the town fans know and love, including the Chief of Police, the Forks Outfitters employee who gets mistaken for Bella, and the vampire transplant who plays the real-life role of Alice. Visit Forks High School, hear self-described Jacob’s grandfather tell the legend of how the Quileutes descended from wolves, and see many more of the people and places that make Forks and La Push the perfect setting for the Twilight Saga.

Uh yeah. It goes without saying that I need this in my life. I really want to hear about the awesome Alice lady. I mean, people find out I have this little teeny blog and I am instantly labeled a weirdo. I gotta know how her family and friends deal with this.

What are you looking forward to seeing on this DVD?

Well hold on to your fluffy socks because you haven’t seen anything yet.

A few more pictures have slowly been eeking out that show Rob and Kristen hanging out with friends on the Isle of Wight. Of course I looked at them, but even though these are (seemingly) taken from far away, creeper style, it would seem that someone in the group is actually leaking these to the internets.

First up was this one. I enjoyed the hilarious captions.

You can right click that to open in a new tab and see it bigger, but it really doesn’t become any clearer. Of course, this was one was met with a lot of protests and complaints, mostly that we can’t really see who that is supposed to be. (Another Nonsten-er actually said the “English” rocks looked photoshopped in. Really? I mean, really?)

Here is the same photo with no captions.

Now the uproar over that one was nothing, and I mean nothing compared to what went down last night when the second one hit twitter.

Prepare yourself, ok?

Here’s a statement that may or may not be totally crap, but I saw it many times on twitter in reference to this picture, so here goes: The following picture was uploaded to facebook by the sister of one of Rob’s close friend, and she even captioned it, “Rob and Kris holding hands”.

Are they or aren’t they?

I’m pretty sure they are. But I also concede that the angle this photograph was taken also makes it pretty easy to think that Kristen just has her other hand in her front hoodie pocket.

Of course, MUCH debate has raged over this picture. I actually read someone, in all seriousness, start analyzing the size of Rob’s ass in this picture, actually saying that because it’s too big, that can’t possibly be Rob.

Um, hi. I will be more than happy to discuss (complete with thorough photo analysis) Rob ’s adorable ass anytime I get a chance, but really? As my grandmamma has said, denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!

Here’s the same picture, now complete with hilarious captions from the perspective of the lonely TomStu (Rob’s friend Tom Sturridge).

Right click to see bigger.

So, all this craziness aside, I was actually hoping that Rob and Kristen could have a relaxing vacay away before Eclipse movie promotion (which I am DYING for, by the way). But now that actual news sources are reporting on their holiday activities, how much do you want to bet they will be pestered about this in every.single. interview when they are trying to talk about the movie? I’m annoyed for them already, and it hasn’t even happened yet!

So, what do you think? Is Robsten for real, or just a clever act to generate buzz in the movies?

Source:Robsessed, New Moon movie

It’s that time again. As long are there are foolios who mistakenly think that no one out there will call them out and laugh at their pervy or weird google searches, I will have material for the feature, You Googled WHAT? WTF?!

Browsing through my search term records today, I came across this.

Ummm…yeah. I don’t know how that search term led to here, and frankly I really don’t want to know.

But I can give you some advice on that type of thing, since you came here looking for it. It’s the least I could do.

You really want to go longer? You sure? Because if you follow my suggestions, you may not ever have free time again. You should probably use this sparingly so you don’t hurt yourself.

A good way to prolong your experience is to give your lady friend a little inspiration so she can find that extra stamina. Here’s what to do:

1. Tack a Robert Pattinson picture above the bed, or tape it to the headboard, or set on the floor. I don’t know the freaky shit you do, so put it where ever works for you.

2. Not sure what RPattz photos would be best? Some helpful suggestions from me here, here, here, here, here (OMG his tounge in that last one. It’s so…long! I need to go lie down).

3. Make sure she is facing the picture at all times. That’s it. Then just…do your thing like always. That should be enough to make sexy-fun times last awhile longer and it will probably a bit more…um…crazy than you’re used to.

Follow this advice and you should be golden. Just don’t get mad if she starts screaming Rob’s name and not yours.

So, one of my favorite places on the internet is Jezebel.com. It’s an online women’s magazine that discusses politics, pop culture, fashion, feminist issues, and of course, sex. I highly reccomend this site to everyone.

Anyway, today there was an article about creepy Twilight merchandise. The Edward Cullen Silhouette for your bedroom wall is a little creeptastic, I must say. But the second item is what really took me by surprise.

Y’all, there is a dildo called “The Vamp”

It sparkles.

You can put it in the fridge to have that “authentic experience”.

***

I will give you a second to let that sink in.

***

***

Yeah.

This the item discription from the website. My comments in parenthesis and italics.

Ok, so I’ve pretty much seen it all then. I’m still pretty speechless. My brain is doing that Bella-stuttering-in-the-hospital-bed thing. I don’t even know where to start with this. I don’t even want to begin wondering what Robert Pattinson’s reaction to this would be.

Click here for the sex toy website listing. Click here to read the Jezebel article and the hilarious comments. Someone has already named this thing “Edward Cocken”.

Yes, it’s that time. Now our eyeballs are going to be assaulted by creepy manipulations of the Twilight cast members made by people with too much time on their hands to play in Photoshop.

Seriously, there are almost too many of these things to choose from. I just did one page of a google search and found enough to do countless posts, so maybe this will become a regular feature…? We’ll see how everyone likes it.

Ok first off, this is the creepiest thing I have ever seen. Real talk.

Can you tell this person is defnitely on Team Robsten? I mean, The Pattinson family?! The belly kissing and the stroller pushing pictures make me want to laugh and cry at the same time (which is an odd feeling).

From another Robsten supporter:

That phantom hand about to crush Kristen’s skull is disturbing. Y’all all know I’m on Team Robsten but uh…not enough to sit down and make something like this.

I found both these pictures on this thread at the Letters to Rob/Letters to Twilight forum. Everyone should go hang out there because everyone there is hilarious.

Source

No. Just…no. Those don’t even resemble Rob’s abs and is Kristen’s back broken?

Source

The one in the water is my favorite. It looks to me like an Edward statue is trying to drown her. Why are they even in water??

Source

Click that picture to see all that Breaking Dawn wedding awesomeness. That one is going into my favorites file. It is just pure crazy second hand embarrasment win.

And finally, the grand finale, the imagining of what really happened on Isle Esme. This very NSFW.

Source

Yeah. That’s right. Right click that baby and you can have that masterpiece for your wallpaper!

There are just…no words for this. I actually laughed out loud and then hung my head in shame for the person who actually spent time in their actual life making this. Think of all the things they could have done instead that would have been better than doing that. Reading a book, spending time with friends, or baking a cake. At least that would result in something delicious!

That’s all I have for you for now. But rest assured I am now on the hunt for crazy manips for the next post.

One of my favorite blogs to read when I need to kill time is F My Life. Readers of the site submit a horrible, hilarious, or shocking event that happened to them, condense it into two sentences, and then end it with “FML”, which (as I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now) translates to, “Fuck My Life”. At the bottom of each entry, readers of the site can express themselves by saying, “I agree, your life sucks.” or “You totally deserved it.” There are thousands of entries and this website is a great distraction when you have time to kill.

As I was browsing last night, I got quite a kick out of this entry and I think you will too.

“Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, “I wish you were a vampire” and goes back home. FML”

I can pretty (frighteningly) easily understand this happening, since the people in the story are (hopefully, please God) very young, like in junior high or something, and this girl just hasn’t learned to not say things like this actually out loud (/jokesss). The girl who said this is pretty obviously a Twi-hard.

My favorite part about this entry (and this applies to the vast majority of the ones I’ve read) is that as I’m writing this, over 5,000 people voted, “You totally deserved it”. What is the thought process behind that? “Oh yeah, you totally deserved that because you should have actually BEEN Edward Cullen/a vampire/acting like that.”

BTW, don’t read too many comments on that entry. It will kill your soul.

As Rob got back into NYC at JFK Airport today, a fan rushed up and hugged/hung on to Rob as he was trying to leave. I think he took it pretty well under the circumstances. I will never understand why people think this is actually ok to do to someone just because they are famous.

To see more pictures of Rob reacting extremely politely to this, head over to Socialite Life.

This one is from prolific youtuber and Twilighter Lollilicious Lolly. If you have never seen any of her videos before and you are home with no children around, go to her youtube page and prepare to be amazed. “Edward Is A Virgin” is a classic.

This masterpiece is called “Twizz In My Pants”, and as you can guess, the lyrics she wrote are set to the famous SNL skit “Jizz In My Pants“.

Y’all…the lyrics…the “jizz faces”…I just-I don’t even know what to say. If you’ve ever wondered why people hate/are freaked out by the mere mention of the word “Twilight fan”, this is it. These are the kinds of people we have out there representing us to the world.

I couldn’t even keep watching after the “Jizz faces” picture montage at the end. If someone makes it through the whole thing, let me know because you deserve a reward.

Source

I was reading a favorite site of mine, List Of The Day earlier today, just killing some time before Jeremy gets home and gives me the rest of the vacay pictures so I can do a Mini E post and I saw this entry about silly craigslist ads. I KNOW a Twilighter wrote this one:

PostingID: 1217199300

Oh lady…WOW. I hope this written purely for the hilarity of the replies because I can’t even imagine how crazy they are going to be. Don’t you love her open-mindedness though? She’s totally Team Switzerland, willing to give either of them a chance!

And if only finding a “vampire or warewolf to spend eternity with” was that simple. I’m sure a lot of us would be “willing to be changed”. I also love how the categories for human men are “married” or “boring”. It seems someone hasn’t realized yet that Edward and Jacob are in fact fictional characters.

10 bucks that Pattinson Pants girl featured on Letters To Rob wrote this ad.

*sigh*

The more I think about this, the more pissed I get at nearly everyone involved.

On the afternoon of Thursday the 18th (I sound like I’m in court or something!), Radar reported that Rob had been hit by an NYC cab as he tried to cross the street to escape from a pack of crazed tweenies. From the article:

A team of five security guards were trying to fend off a crowd of teenaged girls when Rob was leaving the bookstore.

It was pouring rain as they tried to hustle him quickly across the busy street to the safety of his trailer.

Some of the teen girls were hysterical and Rob rushed across the road. As he did so, a taxi grazed him. The cabbie slammed on his brakes as soon as he realized what had happened.

It appeared as if the cab hit Rob in the hip. He stood there for a moment looking stunned. The bodyguard next to him checked if he was okay and then screamed at the fans: “You see what you did, you almost killed him!”

So before anyone reading this that hasn’t heard yet, Rob is COMPLETELY FINE. He even went back to work and at most, he probably has only a bruise. So this incident by itself, it’s not a big deal.With the way some cabbies drive (according to Jeremy), I’m sure this happens to people there all the time.

This is just one account of the incident, and it doesn’t seem unlikely that Rob would have to do something drastic to escape a few of his “fans” (I put it like that because anyone that truly liked and respected someone would never even dream of treating them like this). But according to someone who was a witness to the whole thing, things didn’t exactly happen like that.

This account is from a follower of one of my favorite Twitter-ers (is that what you call them?) RobPattzNews . They recieved another version of events from one of Rob’s fans who claimed they were there and they say no one was actively trying to bother Rob, so there was no need for the rush or the outburst from the bodyguard (Paragraph breaks are mine).

“Everyone was waiting outside for Rob. At this time there were only about 5 or 6 fans and one paparazzi.

Rob came out and as usual he had his hood up, was covered by an umbrella, and surrounded by about 6 guards. The girls were all following behind Rob and because of the commotion, a few people on the streets may have also been following or looking. NO ONE even tried to touch Rob, & from what I could tell, no one was even snapping pictures in his face except for this one paparazzi who had been hanging around outside the building all day. He was crouching on the ground snapping pictures behind Rob’s umbrella, Rob was hiding his face.

Some of the security guards were moving very quickly, causing their little circle that was protecting Rob to break up. Soon one guard was guiding Rob by the shoulders and led him across a street where there was a red light and moving traffic. I was right behind him at this point and saw the entire thing happen.

The cab was coming quickly but saw them jump in front of it, so the cabbie slammed on his breaks. Rob was tapped a little in the hip, but they kept going. Rob then went into his trailer.

The security guards were yelling at everyone and saying everyone was chasing him, but really no one even tried to touch him and there were honestly about 10 people absolute maximum trying to see him. Then the guards also made the fans move away from the trailer but let that obnoxious paparazzi stand outside of his trailer so he could snap pix the next time Rob came out.

Its unfair that these people would blame the fans outside. First of all, there were only about 6 girls and none were crazy teenagers. No one yelled to him or tried to touch him at all. The security guard apologized afterwards for flipping out, he said that they were just trying to be overly cautious after Monday’s fan incident”.

So, taking this fan story for a better version of the truth (and I’m more inclined to believe them over an internet gossip site who just slapped together “details” so they could get thier exclusive), I’m more annoyed with Summit and the people they’ve hired to protect Rob than anyone else.

E! Online has a statement from the studio where they basically say, “Meh.” about this whole thing. It’s really starting to annoy me because I, all the way down here in Texas and I’ve only seen pictures, can tell Rob doesn’t have adequate protection right now.

Exihibit A: (again with the courtroom talk. I’ve been watching a lot of Law and Order) The infamous “fangirl incident”

I was going to let this slide. First time Rob was on the streets in daylight like this when people could actually find out his location and bring along friends. The bodyguards had no idea what the girls had in mind and it took them some time to gain control of the situiation. I understand. But in light of what happened today, it’s making me re-evaluate how they handled it.

Come on, guys. These girls are like, 12. All it would have taken was some stern looks and some gruff “back offs” and this wouldn’t have happened. They shouldn’t even have gotten close enough to touch, much less choke him.

Exhibit B: What I will now call “The Yellow Event”, i.e today’s thing with the cab.

(There are no pictures of this, thankfully, and this post needs a little eye candy so let’s all look at Rob’s underwear)

Source

What I can deduce from how his hired protectors acted today by rushing him out into the street when allegedly just a few people were following them in a mostly calm manner (I’m sure someone was crying or something though) is that I don’t think they’ve had experience with being a celebrity bodyguard before.

Robert Pattinson is one of the most sought after men in the world right now. As sad as it is, it is simply not plausible that he would be able to walk down the street and go to work like a normal person. He needs to be protected by people who have had experience with crazed fans before, and they need to be trained to watch out for not just your normal fanatics, but more than anything he needs someone with experience fending off hyserical women of all ages. The fact that these bodyguards are probably former special agents and know how to disable 50 nuclear bombs while hanging upside down off a cliff won’t matter to the hormone-driven Twihard when OMG! GASP Edward Cullen is right there!

Maybe look into hiring N’SYNC’s former bodyguards? Those guys didn’t mess around. I did a google search for pictures of them and only found some on a NSYNC fansite and I’m going to direct your attention to this photo specifically, since it shows them in action, doing their jobs. Look how their eagle eyes scan the crowd at all times, on the lookout for insane teenyboppers who would throw themselves at Joey (yes, that’s Joey. What an unfortunate dye job).

Hopefully Summit decides to protect their biggest moneymaker by making sure he’s a bit more safe while working for them. I’m also hoping that he’s got someone to talk to about all this because we all know he has a hard time with all the attention (see GQ article).