I Wanna Do Bad Things With You: True Blood Recap: Season 3, Episode 6

Whitley | July 30, 2010 | 2 Comments

I absolutely HATE that I’m posting on Friday a recap of a show that airs on Sunday night. But it absolutely couldn’t be helped. I had a my first big test in my college algebra test, then my gif supplier, chapmangrl.livejournal.com was on vacation this week and she only started posting episode 6 gifs today!

So please don’t be mad at me, I’ll do better next week, promise!

Anyway, in an effort to cut back on the post length (and make them possibly load faster when you visit the blog), events that happened in the show will be grouped together, not all spread out like normal. Please let me know if you like this new format or not. I’m hoping most people do, since it will make things go a lot faster for all of us. (It normally takes me about 6 hours to do one of these posts!)

Also, since wordpress is stupid and doesn’t recognize spacing, the * symbol will now mean a scene change.

Episode 6: I Got A Right To Sing The Blues

Check gifs and recaps of the past episodes of Season Three HERE.

Alright, so this episode was not a good one to watch while eating, yeah? Nothing like having delcioious Pizza Hut turn to mush in your mouth as you watch someone be brutally murdered! Yum!

The show opens with Sookie and Eric being drug back to the King’s mansion. (Where’s Alcide? They just forgot about him? THEY FORGOT THE SEXY?!?) Needless to say, the King is pretty pissed.

Once Eric, Lorena and Talbot have joined them all in the foyer (pronounced Foi-AY, for those of you not in the know), Bill makes his move. Moving at vampire speed, he rips a banister from the staircase, stakes the guard holding him, then goes after the King!

It doesn’t work out.

The first laugh of the episode is Talbot’s aghast face as he takes in the damage caused by Bill’s little stunt.

Bill begs Eric to take Sookie out of there, but Eric, playing along for now (right? He hasn’t really turned evil? Please?) tells King Russell that Sookie has something very “valuable” (the spark that comes from her hands), and he shouldn’t let her go.

Sookie reacts accordingly.

“Eric, what the fuck?”

In the middle of all this Eric betrayal drama, Talbot throws a huge hissy fit about the mess and leaves. Lorena takes that moment to ask what’s going to happen to Bill. Flippantly, the King orders Lorena to take him to the old slave quarters on the property and kill him.

Eric is told to take Sookie to the library while they wait for the King to join them there (he’s got to go patch things up with Talbot!), and even as Bill is being dragged away, he begs Eric to rescue Sookie. But Sookie, who almost too dumb to breathe here, suddenly takes everything out on Lorena, threatening to kill her if she kills Bill.

This kind of annoys me, because HELLO SOOKEH! Lorena obviously doesn’t WANT to kill him! She loves him too! Plus, she’s a vampire. You really don’t have a chance in hell of killing her before she kills you.

Even in her immense grief about what she has to do, Lorena still busts out with one of the best lines on TV ever.”I would love to RIP you open and wear your rib cage as a hat.”

Eric follows his orders, and even though they’re alone, he still doesn’t take the chance of being nice.

Once they are totally alone in the library, Sookie unleashes all of her anger on Eric. She reminds him of the times he told he “cared” about her, and that she made him feel “almost human.” Eric flips out, getting right in her face and growling, “You mean NOTHING to me. NOTHING.”

However, he does have to put on a fake smile for The King when he finally comes to (buckling his pants, btw. I take that to mean he and Talbot made up?) talk to Sookie.

*

At Merlotte’s, poor preggo Arlene is having to deal with a horrible customer. If you’ve ever worked in retail a day in your life, you understand.

Sexy Jesus (that feels weird to write) and Lafayette have to stop their pool game to go fix the bitchy lady’s dinner, and Arlene lets her guard down around Jessica for just 5 seconds…with not-so-good results.

“Please don’t kill me, I’m pregnant…That probably makes you want to eat me more!”

Poor baby vamp can’t help it, Bill hasn’t been around to feed her lately!

Because she feels guilty about stiffing Arlene her tips, Jessica decides to help her out.

Don’t…Don’t kill her!”

She glamors the customer into leaving all the money in her wallet as a tip, and then tells her to head to the ladies bathroom. That second part was confusing, until this:

When Arlene comes to check on the customer (who is making load moaning sounds in the bathroom, btw), you think for sure that Jessica is caught. But, she manages to feed without killing her, then glamors her into forgetting it ever happened.

Maybe Jessica is getting the hang of this vampire thing after all?

*

Meanwhile, things are heating up with Lafayette and Jesus. They have a deep conversation in the car (where most deep conversations take place, am I right?) about their lives so far. Lafayette reveals that’s left Bon Temps before, but he always finds himself coming back. Jesus told him how he’s moved all over the world with his mom, but never had a father since his mother was raped. After all the revelations, they share a steamy kiss.

(In case you recognized the song playing, it’s the same one used in the season finale of Sex And The City, when Carrie is running around Paris. I guess HBO recycles songs?)

*

Somewhere in the woods, Jason and Crystal are making out. Jason is dropping his most romantic lines (“I love how WARM you are!”), and I would say they are working on her.

When Jason makes a lighthearted joke about her hurting him, Crystal gets offended and tells him, “I ain’t into all that pervert stuff.” Always smooth with the lines, Jason looks up at her with his puppy dog eyes and says, “I meant…um…don’t break my heart.”

At that, she begins to cry and explain that what they are doing is wrong. Before Jason can calm her down (and talk her into making out again), her entire posture changes. She begins sniffing the air, and then runs away, telling Jason that it’s dangerous for them to be there together.

Is it possible that Crystal is supernatural too? Who freaking ISN’T on this show?

*

Back in the library, King Russell is getting down to business. He wants to know exactly what’s happening with Sookie, and what she is. In order to find out what’s going on herself, Sookie makes a deal with him to trade off questions. He’ll ask one, and then she’ll have a turn to ask one. Sookie reveals to him that she can read the minds of humans and shifters, but not vampires.

She also takes her chance to ask for Bill to be saved, and the King is more than delighted to show her the file Bill had been collecting on her and her family. But he doesn’t give her the chance to even understand it before he begins interrogating her again.When he asks directly about the spark that flies out of her hand, she begins to cry as she explains she just doesn’t know, and it’s a new talent.

*

Over in the slave quarters, Lorena puts on some mood music (“I Got A Right To Sing The Blues” by Ella Fitzgerald) that is extremely creepy under the circumstances. Even though she loves Bill, she also hates him. He’s never loved her back the way she wanted him to, and so while she seems to hate the torture she’s putting him through, she also wants to drag it out so he can feel the pain she has been feeling because of him for centuries.

Aside from being incredibly hard to watch (because of the whole blood and torture bit), I really found these scenes very sad. I have to say that Mariana Klaveno (the actress who plays the character of Lorena) actually made me sympathize and feel something other than pity and derision for her character, and even though I only saw these scenes peeking out from between my fingers, they are among my favorite in the series.

*

Back in the main house and upstairs, our favorite captive Tara is still talking the talk. Tied to a hugely ornate bed, wearing another (or is the same) beautiful, old-fashioned nightgown, Tara manages a smile for Franklin when he finally comes back in the room.

“Where you been?”

When she tells him she missed him and just wanted him to get back, he says:

and then, in a hilariously child-like move:

he nimbly jumps onto the bed and bounces a little, saying, “I wanted to look nice for you!” He sounds like a child trying to please his parent, rather than a captor speaking to his hostage.

When he tells her that Sookie is at the mansion now, and he’s totally done with his job, he and Tara can focus on just each other. Tara decides that she needs to up her game. Ignoring the restraints of her rope, she leans in and kisses him.

She convinces Franklin to untie her so they can have the sex. To get him revved up, she talks about all the kinky stuff they’re going to do in preparation for the next night, which will be their “wedding” night. But, she realizes she may have gone too far when Franklin calls her bluff and tells her to bite him. Tara steels herself, then actually does it. She bites a huge hole in his neck and practically chews on the flap of skin (I had to set down my piece of pizza that was dripping with tomato sauce down at this part. Note to self: no more red-colored foods on True Blood night).

After the biting and the sex is over, Tara lies wrapped in a very satisfied Franklin’s arms. While he coos in her ear about what’s going to happen tomorrow night, she sends Sookie a mental message to be ready to escape in the morning.

*

Downstairs, Talbot and Eric are engaged in a flirty game of cards when King Russell comes through and drags a struggling Sookie up the stairs.

Sookie: “Eric! Save Bill!”  Eric: *smiles and laughs*

The King asks Eric to go along with him on an “errand to visit an old friend of yours”, causing Talbot to fly into another snit, muttering in a foreign language all the way out of the room.

In the car, Eric admits that he killed the were at Sookie’s house, but claims he only did it to protect himself. When the talk turns to “inferior” creatures, the King reveals what his main goal is when he discusses how Hitler was right (again with the Nazi sympathies), and that “there is a master race. It’s just not the human race.” He wants to destroy all humans on earth and have vampires take over the planet.

As they head down the freeway, it becomes clear that they aren’t headed to Fangtasia, and King Russell assures Eric that will be taken care of “in time”. Instead, they head to Queen Sophie Ann’s house, where she’s just hanging out by the pool, scratching lottery tickets.

The King (who is alone) presents her with a rose and makes his grand proposal once again. She turns him down, yet again, and this times he brings up the fact that she’s having to sell V to settle her debts, when she could just marry him so he could help her with that. When she says,”I already pinned that on Eric Northman!”, her fate is basically sealed.

Eric pins her to the ground (Ooh! Sexy!) and roughly renounces his allegiance to her as Queen, and informs her that he will no longer follow her orders out of respect anymore. Knowing that she finally beat, she accepts.

*

Back in Bon Temps, Lafayette and Jesus arrive at Lafy’s “humble abode”. Jesus notices the huge altar in the living room and asks Lafayette about what he offers his gods. It seems traveling all over the world gave Jesus some knowledge about different religions.

Before the sexytime can begin in earnest though, the moment is interrupted by three rednecks jacking up Lafayette’s sweet ride. They both rush outside, and manage to wrangle the bat away one, and the other two take off.

Turns out that these guys are the ones Lafayette tried to get to sell V, and he is PISSED. After pulling him off the last guy, Jesus is not pleased to learn that Lafayette deals drugs, and cuts their night short.

“Whatever you want, bitch.”

*

Back in the slave quarters, Lorena has made use of every single tool she had at her disposal, and Bill is, in layman’s terms, fucked up.

Bill seems to touch a nerve with her when he brings up Lorena’s maker, and how made her evil like he was. Before their conversation can resume, Debbie and Coot stumble in, looking to get high on V. Maybe so she can absolve herself of actually killing himself, Lorena allows Cooter to beat Bill while Debbie greedily laps up his blood.

*

At Sam’s house, Sam tries to get Tommy to finally tell him what’s going on with Joe Lee and why he was acting so crazy. There’s a knock at the door, and it’s Sam’s mom Melinda bringing Sam some breakfast. She asks him for some time alone to talk to Tommy, and Sam awkwardly leaves to go to open up his bar. As soon as the door shuts, Melinda lights into Tommy about leaving them the night before. Basically, she starts to lecture him about getting back in “the circuit” because she’s too old for it, and she doesn’t want Sam to make him think it’s ok to turn his back on his family because he’s only around for the short term.

Later, Sam realizes Tommy has disappeared and has no clue where he could be until Arlene makes a mention of his parents (her new neighbors) loading a pit bull up into their van and driving off earlier that day. Sam clues in that Tommy is probably being used in dog fighting rings, and he has to ask Sheriff Andy Bellefluer where that type of thing goes on.

*

Meanwhile, Jason decides it would be a good idea to put on his old letterman jacket (why?) and bring a big batch of flowers to Crystal’s house over in Hot Shot. Some scary looking dude with a bruised up face (from Lafayette’s fists) answers the door and seems pretty amused. He leans in the house and calls out, “Babe? Someone here to see you.” When Crystal gets to the door, she pretends she’s never seen him before, and tells him to kindly fuck off and leave her and her fiancée alone.

Broken hearted, Jason decides to console himself with a beer at (where else?), Merlotte’s. He almost has a collision with Sam, who was driving like a bat out of hell to go save his brother.

Recovered from his near wreck, Jason notices a car parked just outside the parking lot. And it’s a-rockin’. Kitch Maynard (QB One!) and his lovely girlfriend Tammy are engaged in a special kind of extra currilcuar activity in the cramped backseat. Don’t you love how Jason actually watches for awhile before he stops them?

Jason threatens to arrest him for “lewd behavior in public”, and Kitch says, “I’m not doing nothing you’ve never done yourself.”, and Jason busts out with this hilarious gem. ”Yeah, well here’s the difference between you and me…..

…Something about you is wrong.”

*

Ok, here’s where the last 10 minutes of the episode get CA-RAY-ZEY.

When Tara wakes is assured that Talbot is completely asleep, she sneaks out of bed and over the opposite wall of the room, where an entire battlion worth of ancient weapons are displayed. (Because yeah, let’s let the kidnapped person in the room full of weapons she has easy access to!).

She chooses a particular frightening looking one (called a “mace”. I wish I could carry one of those around on my key chain!), and proceeds to murder the eff out of Franklin’s head.

I had to look away. Thank God I had already managed to finish dinner.

After Franklin’s head is good and squished, she cleans up and changes clothes for the next part of her escape plan. She arranges a bowl of food and sweet talks (yeah, right. She’s had enough of that shit) her way past the guard at Sookie’s door (played by Patrick Swayze’s brother!) in order to get in.

Then, she and Sookie tag team on the guy and knock him out cold so they can make a break for it.

Tara heads out the door to try to find a way out, and Sookie insists she’s not leaving until she finds Bill. Tara says what we are all thinking here, “You’re a fucking idiot, then.”, and they split up.

Sookie makes it all the way to the old slave quarters, and has to hide from Debbie and Coot, high off their asses on V, until they run off.

“Trash.”

Tara is running too, and manages to make it further across the yard than she did in her first escape attempt, until she is stopped by a white wolf, glaring at her through the trees. She turns and runs away, but the wolf morphs into Alcide, who tells Tara he’s one of the good guys and he can help her.

More importantly, we finally see Alcide NAKED. NAKED ALCIDE ASS IS ON MY TV SCREEN. FINALLY!

Sookie finally gets inside the slave quarters and finds Bill nearly drained. She does a quick look around for Lorena and doesn’t see her, so she rushes in to give bloody BEEL a heartfelt speech about how she’s going to save him, instead of actually, ya know…saving him. Unsurprising to everyone except Sookie, Lorena is still there, and has heard the entire thing. She picks Sookie up, throws her up against the wall, and then this:

And that’s all we get for this episode! I love and hate that they end on a cliffie every week!

So for the next episode,  I predict that Alcide will save Sookie somehow (possibly still naked? Please?), and that Franklin isn’t really dead. Hopefully we get to see Pam finally saved, and Sam kicks his parent’s ass for putting his little brother in a dog fighting ring.

Promo for next week:

And here some other little goodies I picked up this week:

Here are some great sites to check out for more True Blood!

http://hellyeahtrueblood.tumblr.com/

http://truebloodgifs.tumblr.com/

http://everythingtrueblood.tumblr.com/

http://fuckyeatrublood.tumblr.com/

http://omgtrueblood.com/

http://fyeahjoemanganiello.com/

http://wannadobadthingswithyou.tumblr.com/

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