I Wanna Do Bad Things To You: True Blood Recap: Season 3, Ep 2

Whitley | June 21, 2010 | 2 Comments

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It took Sunday night for-freakin-ever to get here, right?! All week long, I was counting down the days!

On last Monday’s recap post of the Season 3 premiere episode, I had a little contest. I’m pleased to announce that there was a TIE. Jason and Eric can share the “hottest butt of Episode One” crown!

This post, and all the gifs posted are maybe NSFW and NSFC (Not Safe For Children). Do not read any further if you’re too young to watch the show. Obviously, there are spoilers for this episode in this post as well.

Recap: Episode 2: Beautifully Broken

The episode opens right where it ended last time. Bill has just attacked the wolf pack that were surrounding him in the woods. There is much spraying of blood, and ripping of appendages.

Some regal looking dude rides up on a white horse, and takes control of the one wolf man that Bill hasn’t torn to pieces yet, hilariously named, “Cooter”. How cute was Bill when he was like, “Cooter? Seriously?” My first favorite part of the show:

Bill calls the man on the horse “Your Majesty”, and this King is the one who arranged for Bill to be kidnapped and brought to him, hiring the wolves as kidnappers. Unfortunately they aren’t very good at following orders. Drinking Bill’s blood and getting high off his V was defintely a no-no.

PLOT NOTE: Bill automatically knows that this guy is the King of Mississippi (he even bows to him), and doesn’t seem surprised to see him at all. He’s only pissed about the fact that he’s been kidnapped and manhandled by the wolves who were working for the King. Undoubtedly,those who have read the books know more, but as someone who is just an avid watcher of the show, I’m intrigued.

Lafayette breaks down his bathroom door and saves Tara, both from her overdose and her cray cray mother. I love when he takes control of situations, and it needs to happen more often!

Fierce bitch.

Sookie takes the image of the symbol she and Jessica found on the dead body to Fangtasia to show to Eric. Jessica interjects,

“Nazi werewolves!”, and Eric is annoyed.

Eric tells Sookie that she needs to chill out with the whole trying to find her almost fiancee thing because gathering this kind of information is not safe for a human. “Your life is too valubale to throw away.”

Yeah but to whom, Eric? Just to Bill, or maybe to you too?

In the Fangtasia ladies room, it’s question time for Jessica with Auntie Pam. She finally works up the courage to ask how to get rid of a body.

Back in the club, Eric explains to Sookie that since humans are not even supposed to know they exist, the werewolves are not going to help her find Bill. She gets weepy, and Eric gets uncomfortable.

“Please don’t do that. It makes me feel disturbingly human.”

When she leaves, he has a Godric flashback. This time, they are soldiers in WWII, hunting werewolves together. It is disturbing how sexy Eric looks, especially when you consider that he’s wearing an SS uniform.

Meanwhile Bill and his captor/host The King arrive at his huge mansion. The King’s lover, Talbot, takes Bill to the guest room to clean up for dinner. As the King and his lover leave Bill locked away, they discuss how Bill is a “challenge”, and the King says, “I think I’m going to have to bring in the girl.”  (OMG WHAT GIRL?!)

Tara tells Lafayette that’s she’s alright and she doesn’t need to go to the hospital. After he rips her a new one for trying to kill herself over Eggs and tells her she needs to get her shit together, he says there’s something she needs to see.

Sookie drops Jessica back off at Bill’s house, only to find Hoyt waiting on the porch bearing gifts. He wants to make up with her and explains that he is perfectly ok with how she is. BUT, exactly like a dumb teenage girl, she kicks him out, and tells him that it’s too late for them.

After he leaves, CRYING (!!) she climbs into her cubby hole in the floor, with the still rotting corpse she was dealing with last time.

Sookie goes home, only to find Jason lurking around her kitchen. Thinking he’s an intruder, she knees him in the balls,

(“My family junk!”) and in one of the best random lines of the episode, asks him, “What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?”

While they are cleaning up the house from Maryann mess still around, Sookie explains about Bill and the werewolves. Jason is hopeful.

“Werewolves are real? Is Bigfoot real too?”

“*gasp* Santa?”

Sookie explains how much she misses Bill, in one of the most amazing lines of the entire SHOW:

“Sookeh!” This is another example of the writers listening directly to what the fans are saying. Everyone has always made fun of Bill’s accent, so it was pretty hilarious for them to acknowledge it.

Jason continued to be the adorable older brother all the way through this scene.

“It’s just you and me now. Then you’re gonna marry Bill, and it will be you, me and Bill!”

Sam is awakened from sleeping in front of the Mickens house with a shotgun barrel on his cheek. Tommy Mickens leads him in the house and gunpoint and alerts his parents. His birth mother recognizes him pretty quickly.

At Merlotte’s, Sookie realizes a werewolf is lurking in the woods, looking for her. Terry Bellefluer chases her into the woods, and they “track” it together. All that’s left of the wolf are some clothes and prints.

Lafayette takes Tara to a clinic, and asks to see Ruby Jean Reynolds, his mother and Tara’s aunt. After you see her hurling racist insult after racist insult at her sexy Mexican nurse, it’s pretty clear she is messed up and has lost her filter.

Back at Merlotte’s, Sookie and Terry bring the abandoned clothes inside, and Terry is unsure they should keep it a secret. He’s worried something could happen to Sookie if the guy comes back, and gives her a gun for protection.

“You know how to use one of these?”  ”I ain’t that blonde.”

Sam’s parents sit him down and explain to him why they gave him up to the Merlotte’s when he was born. When he explained he was abandonded by his adoptive parents when he was 15, his parents share a look. They knew he was a shifter from the time he was born. His little brother Tommy also has the same ability.

As they are leaving the clinic, Lafayette explains to Tara that he works two jobs to keep his mother there so she can be taken care of. He wanted Tara to see that’s what she could end up like if she doesn’t change. She tells him she understands, and as they’re leaving, he says,

“But hooker, if you ever try to pull the shit you pulled last night again, I swear ‘fore God your ass is gonna get a room next to Ruby Jean. And I’m gonna make sure the mothafucka spooning your peas ain’t half as hot as…Jesus. Is you feelin’me? We clear?”

Sam tries to have a bonding talk with his newfound little brother. It’s not going well. When Tommy suggests “a run” they both phase into dogs and take off. Something weird that will probably be important later: Tommy has scars all over his body.

Jessica seems to think that spraying Lysol on a dead body will make the smell go away. She calls a hardware store to rent a chainsaw for the night (like that’s not suspiciuous at all), and takes the money out of the wallet on the body.

At dinner with the King, Bill is served hilarious blood based meals and drinks like “Chilled carbonated blood. Cruelty free, all willingly donated!” The King thanks Bill for joining them and says, “It’s an honor to have you in my kingdom again.” (Again? WHAT?) The King tells Bill he wants to make him Sheriff of Mississippi Area 2. He explains that soon state lines won’t matter because he intends to marry Queen Spohie of Louisiana, and he needs Bill to help him with this.

At Merlotte’s Andy is being toasted as a hero for saving the town, especially by a drunken Jason. “You’re the wind beneath my wings, man!”

Andy tells him again to relax and stop freaking out about how they’re lying about what happened to Eggs, and gives Jason a bit of a pep talk, and they share a hug. Awww!

Sam and his brother are having a grand time running around the wilderness in dog form. When they got to the road and stopped, I knew shit was about to get real. I even yelled, “OMG get out of the road!!” When a truck rounded the bend, Tommy changed from a dog to a bird and flew away just in time, leaving Sam to get hit. Luckily, Sam rolled away unhurt. He was naked, which can’t have felt good on the road, but at least he wasn’t squished.

The door creaks open at Bill’s house. Someone wearing a pair of rather stylish boots enters quietly. They look around, then head for the study. Brekaing the bottom of a random drawer, they uncover a mysterious file containing years of information about Sookie. Spelling bee articles, family trees, and random photos are all inside it. Why does Bill have this, and who broke into his house to see it?

At her own house, Sookie is sitting on the couch in the dark (why do people do this in TV shows and movies?! I can’t even run to get a pair of socks without turning on my bedroom light!) with the gun Terry gave her ready to fire. She hears a creak on the porch, and with gun drawn, goes to investigate. It’s Eric, standing at her door. He tells her that he lied to her that morning at Fangtasia about the werewolves.

Another Godric flashback:

The woman wolf they captured refuses to tell Eric who her master is unless he gives her his blood. Godric warns him not to, but let’s her drink anyway. After she’s finished, she tells him that her master is:

and then attacks Eric. Godric kills her, and reassures him they will find out who the master is in time.

Eric explains to Sookie that they were posing at SS officers during the war to hunt the werewolves. He tells her that the wolves are not Nazis, but they aren’t like regular werewolves either. There is a big, well-organized group of them that are getting vamp blood from somewhere, which makes them extra dangerous. When she asks why he didn’t tell her before, he says the bigger question is why is he telling her at all. Even though he personally doesnt want Bill ever found, he knows they are coming for her, and he “owes” her.

Then he says pretty much the hottest thing ever:

“I’m not leaving. You’re going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate primal sex with you. How bout both?” Sookie, because she is dumb (I mean, I love Bill. But come ON!) doesn’t invite him in right that second.

Back at dinner in Mississippi, The King conveys to Bill that he wants to marry Sophie Ann so they can combine their two kingdoms. He explains that she’s not good at managing her subjects, and cites Bill “being sent” to Bon Temp as an example. Bill corrects him, saying that he wasn’t “sent”, instead he chose to live there, but the King does not believe him at all. He scoffs at Bill, “I know you’re still working for her, and I know she has secrets”. In return for getting him information on the Queen,  The King mentions again that he will make Bill a Sheriff.

Bill says he’s not that close to the queen so he can’t help, and he doesn’t want to be a Sheriff. He gets up from the table to leave. The King mentions how unfortunate it would be if Sookie had to get involved. Fangs are drawn by both Bill and the King over her name being involved.

Lafayette brings Tara to Merlotte’s while he starts his shift. Terry catches Arlene coming out of the bathroom after she’s just had “morning” sickness. He’s prepared with a hilarious and sweet list of why he can be trusted with her kids now that they are dating. Terry has still not caught on to the fact that Arlene is pregnant.

While Tara is moping at the bar, a freaking sexy as hell vampire we have never seen before comes and starts up a conversation with her. When she leaves after serving him a Tru Blood, the camera pans down and we see he is wearing the same boots as the creeper who was snooping in Bill’s house!! WHO IS HE?!

Jessica rolls in with her rented chainsaw, ready to cut up the dead guy when she realizes that he is GONE from the cubby hole where she left him! Where did he go?! Someone must have taken him! He couldn’t have just gotten up and walked away! Or did he?

Andy drives Jason home in his cop car from Merlotte’s (“I aint never been in the front seat before!”), and he ends up having to accompany Andy to a meth lab bust. He ignores Andy’s strict orders to stay in the car when he notices a young woman standing by herself just at the edge of the woods.

She disapears into the trees, just as Jason swoops in and attacks a fleeing suspect. “I got me a drug dealer!”

Tara is drinking outside the Merlotte’s when two racist rednecks come out to the parking lot and start talking shit about Eggs and how he died. This is the second time in as many episodes that she’s has had to deal with bigoted idiots, and she understandably loses her shit, punching one right out. Suddenly, the same vamp who was talking to her inside is there, holding the one who tried to run away down. When the redneck refuses to apologize, Tara just keeps whaling on him, punching him over and over in the face. This mysterious vampire finds it arousing.

Last course at dinner. Bill is begging for Sookie to be left alone. The King and his lover start to mock Bill’s feelings for Sookie, when all of a sudden, LORENA, Bill’s maker (who he hates!) shows up. Then this happens:

Is this real life? Did this really happen? Can he really kill her this way?

Back on Sookie’s porch, Sookie still refuses to let Eric in. Without warning, Eric quickly pins her to the wall and demands to be invited in her house.

“Invite me in.” “You can’t bully your way-” “Invite me in. Now.” ”Mr.Northman, will you please come in?”

Inside, they find this:

Eric bares his fangs, Sookie raises her gun and fires, and then the credits roll!

Like with every episode of True Blood, this one answered a few questions while bringing up new ones. Is the King connected to the werewolves in other ways? Are Jessica and Hoyt ever going to get back together? (they BETTER!) Why is Sam’s brother such a jerk? What’s going to happen with Lafayette and the sexy nurse? What do the werewolves want with Sookie now? WHERE IS THAT GUYS BODY? Who is the sexy new vamp showing an interest in Tara? Who was the weird lady in the woods? Did Lorena really die? Will anything happen with Eric and Sookie?! And, my big question: Why does Bill have a file on Sookie?!

What was your favorite part of this episode? I would have to say that my favorite scene was Sookie and Jason cleaning the house. He was just so charmingly dumb there, it was adorable.

There was no sexytimes unfortch, but since I watched a promo for next week, I know for sure there will be then!

All gifs were from this talented person’s livejournal account, and I’m so freaking thankful that someone took the time to make all these gifs. See way more on their journal.

All screen caps used were from Sci Fi Caps.

To see a list of all the music used so far in all Season 3 episodes, click here.

Discuss this episode and the series in the comments!

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